Some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion
It is said that the government should be in charge of kids' transportation,
while
others think that mothers and fathers have to take their children
to school
themselves. This
essay will make the case that although
parents
' workload will be lighter if kids ride the school
bus, creating a family bond by driving them to school
every day is more essential.
On the one hand, letting minors go to school
by bus will put less burden on their parents
. That is
to say that adults can save a lot of time to prepare for their work since they don't have to spend an hour just to take their boys or girls to school
. For example
, in the United States, most students of the country commute to school
by government transportation on a daily basis, and this
results in the punctuality of office workers who have kids. However
, I do not agree with this
idea as parents
' company is very important to children
's growth.
On the other hand
, adults can make a strong connection with children
by accompanying them on their way to school
. This
is something that can only be accomplished through the togetherness of family members because when going together, the younger and the older can communicate and share their feelings with each other. The youngsters then
will feel that they are protected by their parents
, encouraging the share of emotions. For instance
, many pupils in Vietnam who are driven to class by their mom or dad said that they can talk about any topic with their parents
at ease. I totally agree with this
idea because being well connected with adults at home is very necessary for the grown-up process of juveniles.
In conclusion, even though transporting children
to school
by bus can reduce the strain that is
put on parents
, a family bond and connection between mom, dad and son or daughter are more importantSubmitted by maymocsb on
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Grammar
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofreading to fix these minor issues would make the essay more polished.
Coherence and Cohesion
More cohesive transitional phrases between paragraphs could improve the flow of the essay.
Task Response
Make sure to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to make it clearer that you are addressing both sides of the argument and giving your stance.
Examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support its main points, contributing to a compelling argument.
Structure
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-organized, reflecting coherence and logical flow.
Task Response
The essay thoroughly addresses both views and gives a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?