IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Competition
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 is an act that can
been
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be
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 seen in many settings like in schools, workplaces and daily activities. Some people claim that
competition
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 is a positive aspect
while
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 others argue that the drawbacks of
competition
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 are more than the benefits. In my opinion, competing against each other is essential and useful if done in a healthy way. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the act of competing can contribute to the social and professional development of a person in many different ways. It helps the individual to learn how to be efficient and productive.
In addition
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, it can be a motivator to make
the
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apply
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people work at their best condition and
this
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 will create a happy and
a
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apply
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healthy work environment.
Hence
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, job satisfaction can be achieved. To cite an example,
competition
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 will allow employers to focus on their weaknesses and work harder to reach a satisfactory level and
thus
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will
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apply
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increase
the
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apply
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productivity in
a
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the
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 workplace.
Competition
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 is a great aspect of any job if it
was
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is
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 done and used in a safe
as well as
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 an honest way. Some people might misunderstand the concept of
competition
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 and use it in a negative way to achieve their personal needs. Individuals can use various methods to harm others in order to reach a higher qualification or status.
As a result
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, the rate of crimes committed will rise and
this
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 will disrupt the quality of life in any community.
Additionally
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, toxic competitors will develop abnormal feelings like hate, anger and revenge driven by their emotions leading to devastating consequences, including losing their jobs, source of income and
increase
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increased
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 rate of poverty.
To conclude
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,
competition
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 is a manner that can be seen and applied in many places. It has both advantages and disadvantages. I strongly believe that the
fore-mentioned
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aforementioned
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aspect can be a positive factor with many benefits if used correctly and wisely.

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task response
Although the essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, the introduction could briefly mention the opposing view for better alignment with the topic. Try to enhance this in future essays.
task response
There are solid ideas present, but consider developing them more extensively with specific examples and clearer explanations to further strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and clearly connects to the main thesis. This helps maintain flow and enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a consistent use of linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs. This will further enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
overall
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a sense of completeness.
task response
There is an evident attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
task response
The example provided relating to the workplace productivity adds value to the argument and illustrates a real-world application.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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