Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The debate surrounding whether military
service
should be mandatory for all juveniles who have completed their secondary education or not has sparked considerable controversy. It is clear that
this
situation is not as straightforward as it first appears, therefore
I would like to discuss both perspectives in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, there can be no doubt that military service
is capable of instilling a sense of patriotism in the younger generation, resulting them to have a burgeoning interest in contributing to their nations and reciprocating the privileges they received from the government. Furthermore
, the intense training that this
service
provides could shape a stronger individual, both physically and mentally. Take the Korean military service
as the perfect example to encapsulate this
issue; since Korea implemented this
policy decades ago, it has one of the strongest soldiers in the world nowadays. In essence, the need for young men to join the military service
offers substantial benefits to individuals and nations.
On the other hand
, the drawbacks of this
sentiment should not be overlooked. Teenagers cannot be forced to participate in something that they are not passionate about. This
is of paramount importance because it could lead to detrimental consequences to an individual’s mental health, as it can cause depression and anxiety. To illustrate, a professional therapist once mentioned that students who were forced to pursue courses that they did not prefer tend to have suicidal thoughts due to
the immense pressure and obstacles they faced. To put it another way, making soldier training compulsory for everyone is not an effective method as it could affect individuals’ well-being.
In conclusion, in light of what has been discussed, it is worth noting that there are both advantages and disadvantages to this
sentiment. Although
military service
is able to shape a brighter future generation, individuals’ decisions also
should be taken into consideration.Submitted by maisarahamirah16 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, try to ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more explicitly connected to the main arguments presented. This will create a stronger sense of closure.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider adding more specific and diverse examples to solidify your arguments even further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure that makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, enhancing the overall argument of your essay.