IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to increase the number of police officers on the streets. Others, however, think that other measures are needed to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crime #police #officers #streets #measures
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In recent years,
crime
 reduction has been a topic of significant debate. Some argue that increasing the number of
police
officers
 on the streets is the most effective way to decrease
crime
 rates,
while
 others believe that alternative measures are necessary.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide an opinion on the matter. On one hand, having more
police
officers
 visible in the community can act as a deterrent to potential criminals. The presence of law enforcement can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 a sense of security among citizens and can lead to immediate responses to criminal activities.
For example
, increased patrols in high-
crime
 areas have been shown to reduce incidents of theft and violence.
Moreover
,
police
officers
 can build relationships with the community, fostering trust and encouraging the public to cooperate with law enforcement efforts.
On the other hand
, simply increasing the number of
police
officers
 may not address the root causes of
crime
. Many criminal activities stem from underlying social issues
such
 as poverty, lack of education, and unemployment. Addressing these issues through social programs, education initiatives, and job creation can have a long-term impact on reducing
crime
 rates.
For instance
, providing vocational training to young people can help them secure employment and avoid engaging in illegal activities. In my opinion,
while
 increasing the number of
police
officers
 can have an immediate impact on
crime
 reduction, it is essential to implement broader social measures to address the root causes of criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. A combined approach that includes both law enforcement and social programs will likely be more effective in creating a safer society. In conclusion,
while
 the presence of more
police
officers
 on the streets can deter
crime
, addressing the underlying social issues is crucial for a long-term solution. By integrating both strategies, it is possible to achieve a significant reduction in
crime
 rates.
Submitted by sreejas0104 on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, consider providing more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint. This would make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Further work on transitioning between different points smoothly would enhance coherence and cohesion. Using more varied linking phrases or developing existing points before moving to the next could help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
Both viewpoints are discussed comprehensively, showing a balanced understanding of the issue.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as vocational training for young people, helps to illustrate points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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