IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
In
this
 day and
age
, a number of
people
 believe that even when they are older, they can carry out
work
 if it is available. From my perspective, I totally agree that elderly
people
 can continue working if they have the ability. On the one hand, there are several advantages.
Firstly
, continuing to
work
 can provide financial security. Many
people
 who not have do not have enough savings to support themselves when they are older, so continuing to
work
 can help them maintain a common lifestyle.
Secondly
, working
also
 brings opportunities for social interaction, which can reduce feelings of loneliness that some elderly
people
 experience.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 challenges with working in old
age
. Healthy issues are a major concern. When
people
 are older, their health is not as good as when they were young, especially
people
 who have the problem of physical can make
work
 more difficult and stressful.
Additionally
, continuing to
work
 might limit job opportunities for younger generations entering the workforce and the
work
 environment may not always meet the needs of older workers, making it difficult for them to continue working.
Besides
,some
people
 may feel that after many years of working, they deserve a period of rest and relaxation. In conclusion,
while
 there are clear benefits to continuing to
work
 in old
age
,
such
 as financial security and social interaction, there are
also
 important challenges, particularly related to health problems.
Therefore
, I believe that
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
people
 should continue working in their old
age
 depending on their individual choices.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of older people continuing to work.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.
supported main points
The main ideas are generally clear and supported, which helps in maintaining a coherent argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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