Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #education #age #think #years

Nowadays people have two different views about

education

Add an article

the education

show examples

system,some individuals believe that infants should start their formal

education

quite young,

while

others argue that they should begin after turning seven years old.

this

essay,

discuss

Correct subject-verb agreement

discusses

show examples

both sides of the argument and

explain

Correct subject-verb agreement

explains

show examples

why I totally agree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that formal

education

should begin at least 7 years old. On the one hand, those who support the idea of starting

education

earlier than usual argue that

this

is very important for the fundamental development of the child, allowing him to acquire several necessary skills.

In addition

, many scientists have researched that children learn faster by comparing them to a sponge. They claim that

this

phenomenon is

due to

an unrealized brain and the ability to form multiple connections through experience.

On the other hand

, proponents of starting the educational process after the age of seven believe that

this

allows children to develop individually and physically.

Following

this

plan can be of great benefit in terms of establishing strong connections with peers and learning valuable skills that you won't learn in school,

such

as budgeting and self-sufficiency.

In addition

, the child may not be as hyperactive as he might have been at an earlier age.

To sum up

this

essay,

discussed

Wrong verb form

discusses

show examples

both of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

views and

explained

Wrong verb form

explains

show examples

why I totally agree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that formal

education

should begin at least 7 years old.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Wed Aug 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a clear and consistent thread throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Expand on the introduction and conclusion to firmly outline and wrap up the key points discussed. Make your stance more explicitly clear and provide a stronger summary in the conclusion.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to back up your points. Detail what skills children may gain or miss out on by starting formal education earlier or later. This will make your arguments more compelling and concrete.

task achievement

The essay addresses both viewpoints, presenting arguments for starting education early and for starting at age seven.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion restates the main viewpoints and the author's opinion, providing closure to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

225 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
social development
structured learning environments
essential skills
reading, writing, and arithmetic
social norms
undue stress and pressure
natural curiosity and creativity
unstructured play
emotional and psychological development
mature
rigors of formal education
natural developmental timeline
life skills
decision-making
problem-solving
informal learning
structured educational system

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