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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, thepopulation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the contemporary era, there is a variation in the age of the workers.
However
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, Nowadays, the rate of middle-aged individuals is surpassed in some nations compared with number of the elderly persons in the same countries. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on the pros and cons. To commence with, young people are more active and can handle rough methods. They have the capability to learn new methods.
Moreover
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, we can demonstrate that most jobs are integrated with technology,
thus
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, they are aware of it and can work with it.
In addition
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, they can accept a low salary at the beginning of their career,
as a result
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,
this
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 can afford them more opportunities. One of the sparked instances, China have the highest population in the world. The highest proportion of them are adults and youths.
Therefore
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, most industries are implemented there.
This
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 reflected on the economy and made the country one of the strongest economic countries.
On the other hand
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, there are some issues raised recently from the number of young persons.
Firstly
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, they are sluggish. They have excessive enthusiasm,
hence
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, they can do some reckless methods.
For example
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, In Egypt, the middle age there is not active.
As a result
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, the productivity in the country declined and the wheel industry was tackled because of them.
Furthermore
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, the priority for them is to earn money not to raise their land. They are looking for their benefits only. Ultimately, they do not have enough knowledge and experience to lead companies and nations. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
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 argument.
Nevertheless
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, the government should play a critical role in enhancing adult's awareness. The elderly should transfer their knowledge and experience to them.

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are awkward or unclear. For instance, 'they are sluggish' should be better contextualized.
task response
Elaborate more on the cons section. Provide additional specific examples and clarify points better. You touched on some good points but didn't fully develop them.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and within sentences. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, affecting readability.
organization
The essay is well-organized with an introduction, supported body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Task response is generally good, addressing both sides of the argument and providing relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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