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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old.

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Many people have divergent views about
education
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. Some argue that
children
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 need to start learning at an early
age
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,
while
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 others believe that kids should start after they turn
seven
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years
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 old.
This
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 is the case and the reasons I prefer starting
education
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 at an early
age
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. In the 21st century,
education
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 and new inventions are developing rapidly, playing a vital role in
children
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's lives. So, There are several benefits to
children
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 beginning
education
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 before
seven
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years
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Firstly
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,
Education
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 helps
children
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 become competitive and gain recognition from society.If kids start studying and researching at three or four
years
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 old, they will achieve their goals more effectively compared to
children
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 who start at
seven
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 or eight
years
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 old. Nowadays, parents pay close attention to their
children
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's studies.
Moreover
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, they find it significant for
children
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 to learn at an early
age
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.
Thus
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, their
children
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 attending various types of extra lessons from four or five
years
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 old gain a lot of knowledge before reaching school
age
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. When they turn
seven
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 or eight, they do not struggle with studying as much as others. Early learning makes
children
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 inquisitive and quick learners.
On the contrary
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, some people think that starting to study at
seven
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years
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 old is more beneficial for
children
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. When kids are
seven
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 or eight
years
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 old, it is a great time
to begin
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 studying because their mental development has increased by that
age
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.
Furthermore
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, if they spend time with their friends and immediate family, travelling, or meeting new friends, they will not face challenges at school. Mainly, they will become more sociable and amiable. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals believe that beginning to study later is more comfortable for young
children
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 because it provides more convenience and liberty, I believe that learning early offers more knowledge and understanding.

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task achievement
Your essay covers multiple viewpoints, which is good. However, you can enhance task achievement by providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but some parts could benefit from smoother transitions. This would improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to present a more balanced discussion by elaborating further on the counterarguments. This will strengthen your essay and show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are concise and relevant, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You have a clear stance regarding the topic, which is well presented in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social development
  • structured learning environments
  • essential skills
  • reading, writing, and arithmetic
  • social norms
  • undue stress and pressure
  • natural curiosity and creativity
  • unstructured play
  • emotional and psychological development
  • mature
  • rigors of formal education
  • natural developmental timeline
  • life skills
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • informal learning
  • structured educational system
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