IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that it’s depends on the attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #teachers #it’s #attitude #students
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some state that
success
 in
education
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
show examples
 on good
teachers
while
 others argue that it varies on the
attitude
 of the
students
. Even though good
teachers
 can be helpful in educating
students
 because most teenagers need
observation
 and educators
also
 have advanced skills in teaching, I believe,
success
 in
education
 is achieved by
students
 themselves as they need to work on memorizing what they have learned. Good
teachers
 aid
students
 to be successful in learning as
teachers
 have excellent teaching skills. Many educators teach their
students
 memory tricks and other effective methods which can be useful in memorizing the subject
matter
. As a
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
results
Add a comma
results,
show examples
students
 can achieve their desired scores in exams easily. Another reason is that some
students
 need constant
observation
 in order to learn something as they have a hard time focusing.
Therefore
teachers
 keep these
students
 under
observation
while
 guiding them necessasarily.
For example
, many teenagers are kept under close
observation
 in private
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
 classes and it has
aid
Change the verb form
aided
show examples
 them to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 educational
success
.
However
, I believe that good
teachers
 alone can not make
students
 achieve
success
 in
education
. No
matter
 how much the educators guide the
students
, there won't be any positive outcomes unless the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 learn by themselves. Studying or repeating what
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 learn depends on your
attitude
 and your willingness towards it.
Teachers
 can provide youngsters with various educational
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 and teach them many tricks and methods yet a student can fail if they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not learn or memorize the subject
matter
.
For instance
, there are many
students
 from regional states who have completed their
education
 successfully without any good
teachers
. They have learned the material from schools and self-studied and understood the subject
matter
 in order to complete their
education
 successfully.
Therefore
 proving that
education
success
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
. In conclusion,
Although
 good
teachers
 aid in
education
success
, I believe that educational
success
 depends on
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 towards it.
Submitted by lithmakumaradasa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay covers both views and offers a clear opinion, which is great. However, some of your sentences could be more structured, and there are a few grammatical errors. Try to proofread your work to eliminate these mistakes.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, some paragraphs could be made clearer through better use of cohesive devices and proper transitions. For instance, the transition from the paragraph about teachers to the paragraph about students could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that help frame your discussion well.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: