The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#government #retirees #support #care #people #citizens #money

Retirement

is a significant phase in life where financial stability is crucial. There are different opinions on who should be responsible for providing financial

support

retirees

. Some believe it is the

government

's duty,

while

others argue that

individuals

should save money to take care of themselves in old age. One view is that the

government

should provide financial

support

retirees

First,

this

would ensure a social safety net for all citizens, especially those who are unable to save enough during their working years.

For example

, low-income workers may not have the means to save for

retirement

Second,

it promotes equality and fairness in society. Everyone, regardless of their income level, would have access to financial

support

in old age.

Finally

, it can contribute to economic stability, as

retirees

with secure incomes are more likely to spend money, thereby boosting the economy.

On the other hand

, some people think that

individuals

should save money for their

retirement

. They argue that personal responsibility is important and that each person should plan and save for their future needs.

Moreover

, people can decide how much they want to save and how they want to spend their

retirement

funds.

Additionally

, it reduces the burden on

government

resources. In my opinion, there should be a balance between both approaches. The

government

should provide a basic level of financial

support

to ensure that no one falls into poverty in their old age. At the same time,

individuals

should

also

be encouraged to save for their

retirement

to supplement

this

support

For instance

, the

government

can offer tax incentives for

retirement

savings to motivate people to save more. In conclusion, both the

government

and

individuals

have roles to play in providing financial

support

for

retirees

While

the

government

can ensure a safety net for all,

individuals

should

also

take responsibility for their own financial future. A combined approach can help achieve a secure and dignified

retirement

for everyone.

Submitted by chartakinnovation on Thu Aug 08 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the section discussing individual responsibility for retirement savings.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your conclusion reinforces your opinion succinctly and ties all key points together effectively.

task achievement

The essay offers a well-balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, although the conclusion could be slightly more concise.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

322 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

government responsibility
financial support
care
retirees
personal responsibility
retirement planning
social security
pension
benefits
concerns
dependency
adequate savings
elderly citizens
burden
welfare system
poverty
social safety net
financial stability
public funds
sustainable
reliable
case study
Japan
Sweden
United States

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

An increasingly number of professionals , such as doctors and teachers , are leaving their own poorer countries yo work in developed countries . What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation ?

More and more business meeting are taking place online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the trend ?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem ?

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.