IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days many parents want their children to study a second language such as English. Do you think it is important for younger children to study a new language? Do you think schools should teach every student in primary school a second language?

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In today's world, many parents believe it is important for their
children
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 to learn a
second
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language
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,
such
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 as
English
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. I agree that learning a new
language
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 at a young
age
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 has several benefits, both for the
children
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 and for society.
Firstly
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, learning a
second
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language
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 helps
children
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 develop important cognitive skills. Studies show that young learners who study another
language
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 tend to have better problem-solving skills, memory, and multitasking abilities.
For example
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,
children
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 who learn
English
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in addition
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 to their native
language
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 are often better at switching between tasks and thinking more creatively.
Moreover
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, knowing a
second
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language
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 opens up opportunities for better communication and understanding in a globalized world.
English
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,
in particular
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, is widely used in business, travel, and technology.
Children
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 who are proficient in
English
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 will have more access to information and a wider range of career options when they grow up.
For instance
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, a child who learns
English
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 at an early
age
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 may have the opportunity to work for international companies in the future.
In addition
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, teaching a
second
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language
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 in primary schools can be beneficial. At
this
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age
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,
children
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's brains are more adaptable and can easily absorb new languages.
For instance
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, countries like Sweden and Finland already include
second
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language
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 education from an early
age
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, which has contributed to their citizens' high
language
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 proficiency. In conclusion, I believe it is important for
children
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 to study a
second
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language
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, and schools should introduce
language
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 learning at the primary level.
This
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 not only supports their cognitive development but
also
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 prepares them for the challenges and opportunities of the globalized world.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a counterargument or discussing potential drawbacks of learning a second language at a young age to strengthen your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraphs are well-structured, ensuring that each main point clearly links back to your thesis can enhance coherence.
Strength
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, setting the tone for the essay.
Strength
The use of specific examples, like countries that successfully implement second language education, adds depth to your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Globalization
  • Multilingualism
  • Proficiency
  • Fluency
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Language immersion
  • Resource allocation
  • Bilingualism
  • Curriculum
  • Compulsory education
  • Pedagogy
  • Linguistic aptitude
  • Educational policy
  • Extracurricular activities
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