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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some people argue that
governments
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 should help
children
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 to go to educational institutions,
whereas
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 others debate that
this
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 is the responsibility of
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, I will illustrate both viewpoints and think that transporting
children
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 to
schools
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 is the obligation of
parents
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 rather than administrations. On the one hand, in certain countries, it is true that
governments
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 should take the major responsibility for sending
children
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 to school because their
parents
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 suffer excessive pressure in terms of their jobs. A typical example is in some developing countries like India. In general, the public must pay considerable attention to building local infrastructures,
such
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 as sports centres, department stores, and public transit, thereby improving their quality of life.
However
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, owing to abundant manpower to develop, undoubtedly, they cannot spend sufficient time on their
children
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, especially picking up and transporting them to
schools
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As a result
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,
this
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 is why their
governments
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 should support resources for sending young people to
schools
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.
On the other hand
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,
conversely
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,
parents
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 sending
children
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 to
schools
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 may be an ordinary phenomenon
due to
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 adequate time to transport.
For instance
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, many developing countries,
such
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 as Taiwan, Japan, and Beijing, are consistently sending pupils to learn from their
parents
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 as they have comprehensive financial resources and sufficient time to accompany their
children
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 generally.
In addition
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, much educational research indicates that there is more likely to content
children
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's physical and mental development by
parents
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 compared with
governments
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. From my personal perspective, sending
children
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 to
schools
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 by
parents
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 outweighs that of
governments
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. One primary reason is that
parents
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 can provide a closer relationship with their
children
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.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 may have a higher likelihood of presenting holistic caring for
children
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, assisting them to grow rapidly.
For example
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, compared with the administration's support,
parents
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 may realize more about their son or daughter, take more care of them, and fulfil their physical and mental requirements.
To sum up
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,
while
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 some support that
governments
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 transporting pupils to
schools
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 is a better decision, other people and I argue that
parents
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 sending
children
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 to educational institutions may be a more appropriate choice.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 can receive better care from
parents
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due to
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 the closer relationship.

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task response
While your essay is well-organized and your argument is clear, ensure that the points you raise in support of both views are equally strong to present a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
There is one sentence that is unclear in the paragraph about governments' responsibility: 'In general, the public must pay considerable attention to building local infrastructures...'. Rewriting this for clarity will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with clear and distinct paragraphs that enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are concise and effectively summarize your main points, providing a clear stance on the issue.
task response
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, making your argument more convincing.
task response
Your ideas are comprehensive and clearly communicated, contributing to a strong overall task response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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