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Band 6

The table below gives information about the population of New Zealand between 2011 and 2012. (rewrite)

The table below gives information about the population of New Zealand between 2011 and 2012. (rewrite)
#information #population #zealand
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The table below provides data on the
population
Use synonyms
 of New Zealand across different
age
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 groups between 2011 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the elderly
population
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 (65 and above) experienced a significant increase,
while
Linking Words
 other
age
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 groups saw minor changes. Notably, the largest demographic in both years was the 15-39
age
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group
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. In 2011, the 15-39
age
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group
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 was the largest, with 1.52
million
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 people.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by the 40-64
age
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group
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 with 1.4
million
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, and the under 15
age
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group
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 with 800,000 people. The smallest
group
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 was those aged 65 and over, with about 500,000 people. By 2012, the 15-39
age
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group
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 saw a slight decrease of 0.2%, dropping to 1.5
million
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, and the under 15
group
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also
Linking Words
 fell by 0.2% to 800,000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the 40-64
age
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group
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 increased by 0.6%, reaching 1.46
million
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, maintaining its position as the second largest
group
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. The most notable change was in the 65 and over
group
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, which grew by 4% to 900,000, surpassing the
under 15
Add a hyphen
under-15
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age
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group
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. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 most
age
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 groups experienced minimal changes, the elderly
population
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 saw a remarkable rise, indicating a trend towards an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
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 in New Zealand during
this
Linking Words
 period.
This
Linking Words
 revision aims to enhance clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy, targeting a band score of 7 or higher.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, group, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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