Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Reports stated that the
health
levels of many citizens have deteriorated. The optimum way to address this
problem is by adding the number of sports
facilities
, however
, others argue that this
solution will only make a slight impact to
public Change preposition
on
health
therefore
, another measure must be taken. This
essay will discuss both arguments and state my opinion.
Rationally, by providing gymnasiums and sports
fields, individuals
will feel more motivated to start exercising. Additionally
, these facilities
should be built close to the housing areas, the the location will be reachable by the residents. Furthermore
, regular physical activities will help to prevent and combat some health
issues such
as obesity. As a result
, the health
index will eventually increase.
In contrast
, some argue that the main problem of the falling health
levels is not about sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilities
but lies in the motivation of the individuals
. Nowadays, individuals
lack of motivation to keep themself fit due to
their hectic daily schedules. On that note, the easy access of
gym Change preposition
to
facilities
will be meaningless because there is no guarantee residents will use them. Moreover
, gaining a fit body is not only about doing physical exercises, other aspects such
as regular diet and daily lifestyles must also
be considered as crucial. Insufficient knowledge about diet’s nutrition and unhealthy daily habit
will significantly ruin Fix the agreement mistake
habits
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
health
.
In my opinion, the establishment of sports
facilities
will only faintly impact individuals
. Thus
, other actions should also
be implemented by the governments such
as grading the nutrition for pre-packaged food and empowering the work-life balance habit by limiting the work-hours
for workers.
In conclusion, the Correct your spelling
work hours
declining
Replace the word
decline
of
Change preposition
in
health
index Correct article usage
the health
within
many citizens is caused by many factors including the lack of physical activities, unhealthy diets, and poor daily lifestyles. Change preposition
among
Hence
, only providing the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
facilities
will not be enough to resolve this
problem. Other regulations must be created to spread the
healthy diets and lifestyles Correct article usage
apply
within
people.Change preposition
among
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion, but it could be enhanced by being slightly more explicit about the individual issues of the two viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs. However, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain a more seamless flow.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, adding more specific examples and evidence can further strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
There are a couple of language errors, such as 'the the location' and 'lack of motivation.' Review for these minor mistakes to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely encapsulates the discussion. However, emphasizing the interconnectedness of the different factors contributing to public health could add depth.
task achievement
Your essay showcases a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively crafted, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You address multiple factors affecting public health, showing a well-rounded approach to the issue.