Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

In contemporary times, it is not uncommon for children to pay considerable attention to their

smartphones

. In

this

essay, I argue that convenience and interesting software are the two primary reasons for

this

phenomenon and think that they are a detriment in terms of education. One significant reason is that

smartphones

can provide many benefits, particularly in the aspect of convenience.

For instance

, compared with earlier periods, people can utilize intelligent phones to message more efficiently. There are many Apps,

such

as Line, Google Meets, and Discord,

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

send information instantaneously;

furthermore

, Google Meets even provides the function of face-to-face, thereby increasing the quality of conversation.

Consequently

this

is why some individuals use their phones every day

not to mention

young people. Another crucial reason is that intelligent cell phones present a substantial number of

video

games

for humans and lead them addicted.

For example

, approximately 15 years ago, Steve Jobs, the first CEO of Apple, created the iPhone 1, containing Angry Birds, Temple Run and other multi-faceted

video

games

to grasp the attention of customers. In

this

case, it was successful, and most humans have various Apple devices for surfing or playing

video

games

by them.

In addition

, many educational experts have suggested that the times of playing

video

games

have significantly risen after

smartphones

began developing.

While

smartphones

can indeed provide numerous advantages, I think that

this

is a jeopardous development, especially for education.

For instance

, it is true that current pupils consistently use

smartphones

in class rather than concentrating on learning.

This

is because

smartphones

have a higher likelihood of attracting the interest of children compared to learning their subjects.

However

, inevitably,

this

trend will diminish their learning efficiency, ultimately resulting in them losing their quality of knowledge absorption.

To sum up

smartphones

can indeed provide some benefits or more interesting entertainment.

Additionally

this

is more likely to decrease the quality of education, especially for children.

Submitted by daniellin0717 on Thu Aug 08 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all topics are fully elaborated. Sometimes, points are mentioned without extensive detail. For example, further elaboration on how smartphones affect education negatively would strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph transitions. While the essay is generally cohesive, improving the flow between paragraphs can enhance readability and comprehension.

coherence cohesion

Try to use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. Simple and compound sentences can sometimes feel repetitive.

task achievement

Clear point-of-view and thorough discussion of both reasons and opinion regarding smartphone usage among children.

coherence cohesion

Well-structured essay with an evident introduction, body, and conclusion.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support main points, particularly the references to apps and historical context of smartphone development.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Write a letter to the manager of the Lost and Found department of the railway regarding the luggage you accidentally left on the train. In your letter •give the details of your train trip •describe the luggage you left on the train •say what actions you want him/her to take.

100.In many countries, the traditional family structure is changing, and an increasing number of children are being raised by single parents or by grandparents. Discuss the possible reasons for this trends and its potential consequences in society.

Some people believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. Other believe that children are sometimes protected too much by their parents. Which of these viewpoints do you agree with?