Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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In contemporary times, it is not uncommon for children to pay considerable attention to their

smartphones

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. In

this

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essay, I argue that convenience and interesting software are the two primary reasons for

this

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phenomenon and think that they are a detriment in terms of education. One significant reason is that

smartphones

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can provide many benefits, particularly in the aspect of convenience.

For instance

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, compared with earlier periods, people can utilize intelligent phones to message more efficiently. There are many Apps,

such

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as Line, Google Meets, and Discord,

can

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that can

show examples

send information instantaneously;

furthermore

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, Google Meets even provides the function of face-to-face, thereby increasing the quality of conversation.

Consequently

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this

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is why some individuals use their phones every day

not to mention

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young people. Another crucial reason is that intelligent cell phones present a substantial number of

video

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games

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for humans and lead them addicted.

For example

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, approximately 15 years ago, Steve Jobs, the first CEO of Apple, created the iPhone 1, containing Angry Birds, Temple Run and other multi-faceted

video

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games

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to grasp the attention of customers. In

this

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case, it was successful, and most humans have various Apple devices for surfing or playing

video

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games

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by them.

In addition

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, many educational experts have suggested that the times of playing

video

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games

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have significantly risen after

smartphones

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began developing.

While

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smartphones

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can indeed provide numerous advantages, I think that

this

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is a jeopardous development, especially for education.

For instance

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, it is true that current pupils consistently use

smartphones

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in class rather than concentrating on learning.

This

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is because

smartphones

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have a higher likelihood of attracting the interest of children compared to learning their subjects.

However

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, inevitably,

this

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trend will diminish their learning efficiency, ultimately resulting in them losing their quality of knowledge absorption.

To sum up

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smartphones

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can indeed provide some benefits or more interesting entertainment.

Additionally

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this

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is more likely to decrease the quality of education, especially for children.

Submitted by daniellin0717 on Thu Aug 08 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all topics are fully elaborated. Sometimes, points are mentioned without extensive detail. For example, further elaboration on how smartphones affect education negatively would strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph transitions. While the essay is generally cohesive, improving the flow between paragraphs can enhance readability and comprehension.

coherence cohesion

Try to use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged. Simple and compound sentences can sometimes feel repetitive.

task achievement

Clear point-of-view and thorough discussion of both reasons and opinion regarding smartphone usage among children.

coherence cohesion

Well-structured essay with an evident introduction, body, and conclusion.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support main points, particularly the references to apps and historical context of smartphone development.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids.

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skill. Do you agree or disagree?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?