In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?
Nowadays,
people
has
limited time to spend with their Change the verb form
have
children
in several countries. There are two key of
reasons Change preposition
apply
such
as busy and lazy. This
habbit
will have more negative Correct your spelling
habit
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
for
Change preposition
on
children
rather than parents
.
The primary reason is old Change preposition
on parents
people
usually
busy Add a missing verb
are usually
to earn
money for their Change the verb form
earning
necessary
. Everything from daily needed stuff Replace the word
necessities
until
fashion Change preposition
to
are
expensive today. Change the verb form
is
Moreover
, it makes not only daddy who must to
go to work but Change the verb form
apply
also
mom. For example
, in a little family, a daddy will spend at
around 12 Change preposition
apply
hours
for work
and a mom need approximately 8 Wrong verb form
working
hours
. Then
, they have a few hours
to spend with children
since they also
feel exhausted after work. It means the lowest parents
economic Change noun form
parents'
parent's
lead
the Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
fewest
time to spend with kids. Correct word choice
less
Additionally
, the other factor is laziness which makes people
tend to ignore their children
. They prefer to play online games than talk or accompany their kids playing. Research by compass
, the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, said that almost 90% Capitalize word
Compass
children
do not have Change preposition
of children
father
figure in their Add an article
a father
live
or Replace the word
lives
called
fatherless. It happens Add a missing verb
are called
since
Correct word choice
because
parents
not
have Change the verb form
do not
did not
responsibility
to make their Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
children
happy.
Children
being
the most affected Wrong verb form
are
from
Change preposition
by
this
bad Correct determiner usage
these
habbits
. They still need attention from Correct your spelling
habit
habits
parents
to talk and play with them. The research shows that children
who has
a lot of time having fun with their Verb problem
spend
parents
are happier than others. They feel lonely without guided
from old Replace the word
guidance
people
. When they need people
to listen
them but they can not, it makes Add the preposition
listen to
they
search Correct pronoun usage
them
happiness
from Change preposition
for happiness
outside
. Sometimes they meet Correct article usage
the outside
wrong
friends which can Correct article usage
the wrong
be
lead to negative effects Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as free sex and drugs. Obviously, it destroy
their future.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
destroys
people
too
busy Add a missing verb
are too
spend
plenty Fix the infinitive
to spend
hours
Change preposition
of hours
to earn
money and lazy to Change the verb form
earning
give
attention to their Verb problem
pay
children
. This
habits bring negative development for Change the determiner
These
children
such
as free sex or drugs
Change the noun form
drug
addict
.Replace the word
addiction
Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
Try to proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Using more precise language can improve clarity.
task achievement
Expand on the examples to make them more relevant and specific. This will make your arguments more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully to ensure they are clear and comprehensive. Sometimes, points are mentioned without sufficient explanation, which can make them seem underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
improve cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is good, but make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Ensure that each idea is well-connected to the essay as a whole.
task achievement
You have successfully outlined the main causes of the problem and its effects, which shows your understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your ideas well.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant to the topic, even though they could be more detailed.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...