Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education plays a pivotal role in our lives, and being able to acquire all the information from the school is definitely an advantage.
However
, it seems extremely exhausting to be obliged to study all the time as a juvenile.
Firstly
, the person who had
filled-in
Correct article usage
a filled-in
show examples
timetable may be in
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
of communication skills which are required to work in a company or group of people.
For instance
,
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
may require them
networking
Change the verb form
to network
show examples
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
a group of skilled people which, in turn, demands
a communication skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
communication skills
a communication skill
show examples
they lack.
Thus
, it may lead to joblessness.
Secondly
, not having enough fun and adrenaline as a child and being forced to gain a lot of knowledge may lead
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
to become
emotionless
Add an article
an emotionless
the emotionless
show examples
machine of working, and
therefore
they may have no sufficient interaction abilities to make friends and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
nobody by their side to rely on.
Finally
, having
overloaded
Correct article usage
an overloaded
show examples
curriculum can bring less job
satisfaction
within a character, which may have bad consequences,
such
as
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
number of
suicide
Fix the agreement mistake
suicides
show examples
, depression, and less life
satisfaction
. Admittedly, it is true that full-time education may
also
have numerous beneficial aftermaths if it is used properly. Specifically, increasing
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
average number of successful students and its bright future, breakthroughs in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
system, and
overall
development of our civilization. Ultimately, it appears that
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
use of knowledge may have a number of advantages in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
field, despite the possible risks.
Nevertheless
, social skills and job
satisfaction
are more demanded qualifications in
overall
life
satisfaction
.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Expand on the examples provided to add depth to arguments. For instance, provide specific scenarios or studies that show how full-time education impacts communication skills or job satisfaction.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting points are directly related to it. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
To strengthen your conclusion, briefly summarize the main points you have discussed in your essay. This can help reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
logical structure
The main points are logically structured, first discussing the drawbacks of continuous education and then presenting its benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: