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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 day and age, the question of where
children
Use synonyms
 learn to become responsible members of society is a complex one, sparking debate about the relative contributions of
parents
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 and
schools
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. Some individuals argue that
parents
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 ought to educate their
children
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the
Change preposition
on the
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 way to be good members of society.
Linking Words
While others
Correct word choice
Others
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 maintain that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 had better take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 matter.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide
thorough
Add an article
a thorough
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 demonstration of these contrasting points of view. On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge the significant role of family in youngsters’ education. There is an important consideration that
parents
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 play a fundamental part in a child’s ethical and social development. From a young age,
children
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 observe and imitate their
parents
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’
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Therefore
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, values
such
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 as honesty, respect, and empathy are often first learned at home.
In addition
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, since every family has its own cultural and moral standards, parental guidance
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 maintain
culture
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cultural
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 continuity and personal
identify
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identity
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, which formal education may not fully address.
Consequently
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, it
is claim
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is claimed
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 that a strong family foundation can guide
children
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 even when they face peer pressure or external influences later in life.
On the other hand
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, regarding the opposing perspective, it is integral to consider that educational
institution
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institutions
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also
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 contribute to the youths’ personality. One reason for
this
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 is
schools
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 offer a structured environment where
children
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 learn to interact with others outside of their
family
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families
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. In
classroom
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the classroom
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, pupils are able to express their
idea
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ideas
show examples
 or listen to others, allowing the young generations to enhance their interpersonal
skill
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skills
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 and fostering a broader understanding of things around them.
Furthermore
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, in school,
children
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 have the ability to promote their tolerance and cooperation which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to networking
opportunity
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opportunities
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. In conclusion, from my viewpoint, both
parents
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 and
schools
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 play vital roles.
While
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parents
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 are crucial in shaping
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 early ethical growth,
schools
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 supply essential support and formal education that helps
children
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 function in society. A balanced approach involving both is the most beneficial for the development of future citizens.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. This helps the reader understand your position better right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler words and phrases to express your ideas more clearly. This will help in making your points easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
content
You have clearly presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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