IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that countries should invite foreign companies to open their brunches, offices and factories in order to develop their economies. Others think countries should invest in their own companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The vital role of
companies
Use synonyms
 in contributing to national economics is undeniable. It has sparked heated controversies that many people claim nations should ask overseas
companies
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 to open their branches, work offices and factories to boost their economies.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people think nations should invest in their own
companies
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former. On the one hand, a
nation
Use synonyms
 should invest in their own
companies
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.
First,
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countries might create new environments for employees by investing in their
companies
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 kind of investment can boost the financial situation of a
nation
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, particularly in a company.
Second,
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when foreign investors build factories
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and offices, they need natural resources
such
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 as coal, land,...
Besides
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, the unfair trend might happen to employees, as foreign
companies
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 want to achieve outstanding performances, and foreign investors are able to exploit their
labour
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.
As a consequence
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, workers' health is affected, leading to health problems or
labour
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 strikes which
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 a negative part to the sustainability of a state.
On the other hand
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, countries should ask overseas
companies
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 to invest. In detail,
this
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 might upgrade the alliance among these countries. Another factor is that a
country
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 has to be burdened with local infrastructure and the government budget is not enough for investing in potential domestic
companies
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.
Instead
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, overseas investors can give career opportunities to workers by building factories and offices.
Consequently
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, the unemployed receive the obvious orientation and career path in their own
country
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 and do not need to move to another
country
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 to find jobs. Only when citizens have high living costs and jobs, they will contribute more to that
nation
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, leading to a
country
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 that can survive and win in
this
Linking Words
 cutthroat world. In conclusion, even though a
nation
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invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in their own
companies
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 brings benefits for
labour
Use synonyms
 fairness, I am of the opinion that a
country
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 should invite foreign
companies
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 to invest in their
companies
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 because of the alliance and work opportunities for the
labour
Use synonyms
 force

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy, such as repeating 'branch offices and factories' multiple times. You can use synonyms or rephrase to maintain variety.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected. For instance, restructuring some sentences for better flow can improve readability.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points clearly. This will strengthen arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion shows good structure.
Task Achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and well-developed.
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