Some people believe that countries should invite foreign companies to open their brunches, offices and factories in order to develop their economies. Others think countries should invest in their own companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The vital role of
companies
in contributing to national economics is undeniable. It has sparked heated controversies that many people claim nations should ask overseas
companies
to open their branches, work offices and factories to boost their economies.
In contrast
, some people think nations should invest in their own
companies
. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former. On the one hand, a
nation
should invest in their own
companies
.
First,
countries might create new environments for employees by investing in their
companies
.
As a result
,
this
kind of investment can boost the financial situation of a
nation
, particularly in a company.
Second,
when foreign investors build factories
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and offices, they need natural resources
such
as coal, land,...
Besides
, the unfair trend might happen to employees, as foreign
companies
want to achieve outstanding performances, and foreign investors are able to exploit their
labour
.
As a consequence
, workers' health is affected, leading to health problems or
labour
strikes which
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
a negative part to the sustainability of a state.
On the other hand
, countries should ask overseas
companies
to invest. In detail,
this
might upgrade the alliance among these countries. Another factor is that a
country
has to be burdened with local infrastructure and the government budget is not enough for investing in potential domestic
companies
.
Instead
, overseas investors can give career opportunities to workers by building factories and offices.
Consequently
, the unemployed receive the obvious orientation and career path in their own
country
and do not need to move to another
country
to find jobs. Only when citizens have high living costs and jobs, they will contribute more to that
nation
, leading to a
country
that can survive and win in
this
cutthroat world. In conclusion, even though a
nation
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
in their own
companies
brings benefits for
labour
fairness, I am of the opinion that a
country
should invite foreign
companies
to invest in their
companies
because of the alliance and work opportunities for the
labour
force
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy, such as repeating 'branch offices and factories' multiple times. You can use synonyms or rephrase to maintain variety.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected. For instance, restructuring some sentences for better flow can improve readability.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points clearly. This will strengthen arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion shows good structure.
Task Achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and well-developed.
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