IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that educating people about the problems of eating too much fast food has no effect and that other measures should be taken to tackle this issue. What is your opinion?

#people #food #effect #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Educating
people
 to avoid eating too much fast
food
 will have no effect
besides
 the fact that nowadays so many fast
food
 restaurants have been developed by investors in some districts, making all
people
, especially the young generation, who tend to try new  experiences for tasting Western
food
, more likely to eat fast
food
. In today's world, fast
food
 has
also
 become a popular choice for many
people
due to
 its convenience and taste.
However
, there are growing concerns about the health problems associated with eating too much fast
food
,
such
 as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. Some
people
 believe that educating the public about these dangers does not have a significant impact and that other measures should be taken to address the issue. In my opinion,
education
 is an important tool in the fight against the overconsumption of fast
food
, but it should be combined with other strategies to be truly effective.
Firstly
,
education
 is essential because it raises awareness. Many
people
 are not fully aware of the long-term health risks associated with eating too much fast
food
. By informing them about the harmful ingredients in fast
food
,
such
 as high levels of sugar, salt, and unhealthy fats, they can make more informed choices. When
people
 understand the negative effects on their health, they are more likely to reduce their consumption of fast
food
.
However
,
education
 alone may not be enough to change
people
's eating habits. Fast
food
 is often heavily advertised, and it is cheap and easily accessible. For some
people
, especially those with busy lives or low incomes, fast
food
 may seem like the only convenient option. In these cases, even if they know the risks, they may continue to choose fast
food
 out of convenience or necessity.
Therefore
,
in addition
 to
education
, other measures should be taken.
For example
, governments can introduce regulations to limit the marketing of fast
food
, especially to children. They can
also
 encourage the availability of healthier
food
 options in schools, workplaces, and communities.
Furthermore
, introducing taxes on unhealthy
food
 and providing subsidies for healthier
food
 can make healthier choices more affordable and attractive. In conclusion,
while
 educating
people
 about the dangers of eating too much fast
food
 is important and can have an impact, it should not be the only strategy. A combination of
education
, regulation, and incentives is needed to effectively tackle the issue of fast
food
 consumption and promote healthier eating habits in society.
Submitted by novendyevan122 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument and offering both education and additional measures as solutions. However, you could improve by providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and flows well, occasionally there are some complex sentences that could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, consider using more varied linking words to enhance the cohesion of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the topic, and a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and logically developed throughout the essay, making your argument persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: