IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. Give reasons in support of and opposing this policy, and give your own opinion.

#cities #people #fee #drive #cars #city #centre #policy #support
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To discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the driving
fee
 for the cars to enter the
city
centre
 in some large cities. In order to reduce the number of cars in the
city
,
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to pay a driving
fee
 to enter
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
centre
. In my opinion, paying a
fee
 to enter the
city
 is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 initiative for the
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 benefit, so the less
people
 can able to visit the place.
Firstly
,
People
 around the world travel to some large cities for sightseeing or to participate in other activities in and around.
On the other hand
,
People
 visiting the cities for sightseeing, might
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to reach
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
centre
 to get experience
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the local food or events.
For instance
, Sports
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been travelling to other special/popular countries and they
keen
Add a missing verb
are keen
show examples
 to visit the important places in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
centre
. To support the
city
 policy,
people
 can be able to pay the driving
fee
 to enter the
city
centre
 at a minimal amount for like 24hrs or 12hrs of time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it helps the authority to maintain the sufficient development of the
city
 and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others as well. It generates the
people
 that, visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the crowded or popular
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time,
will
Correct pronoun usage
which will
show examples
 make the place even more crowded , especially for the local living
people
. In conclusion, paying a driving
fee
 to enter the
city
 is a good initiative among the
people
.
As a result
,
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 will not be crowded and
people
 visiting can able to enjoy the places peacefully.
Submitted by yabloothedinesh on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides some relevant points both for and against the policy. However, it needs a clearer structure and organization. Consider creating a more distinct layout for each argument and your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas are often clear, but there are some inconsistencies in language use and grammar that make parts of the essay harder to read. Review your grammar and make sure each sentence flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging. In addition, ensure each paragraph transitions logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
A more thorough and balanced argument could be presented. Consider expanding on points with more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.
task achievement
The essay makes a good effort at addressing both sides of the argument and presenting a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas you present are relevant to the topic and show a clear understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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