IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write about the following topic: A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
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It is said that apparently peoples' worth is measured by their wealth.
Furthermore
, is considered frumpish and out of relevance to be an ethical person. Despite the fact some people are indeed involved in materialistic and superficial connections, I do believe that there are some who still give importance to characteristics
such
 as respect, loyalty and empathy.
Moreover
, these statements will be discussed in the following essay. Nowadays it is well known that globalization is having a huge impact on people.
Consequently
, the society is blinded and trying to reach power in their community by showing how much they own. A clear example of
this
 is when a young person at school is making new friends, they automatically consider 'cool' those who are wearing fancy clothes and probably have an expensive mobile, than the ones who do not even have a phone. The latter will be criticised and more likely to suffer bullying without even considering the friendship they can provide.
However
,
this
 is not their fault, everything starts with their parents at home who are giving examples of what is valuable to look at when choosing your close circle.
Likewise
, when youths or adults see that they can have more respect depending on their possessions, instantly start to focus on making more money than working on themselves.
As a result
, it will generate a cycle where inner work is going to be forgotten
while
 superficiality will be raised as a priority. Even though, there continues to exist a minority in the population that keeps kindness
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is important to not lose. It can be concluded that in fact, nowadays is more likely to prioritize wealth over values. Despite
this
 fact, people are aware that happiness is not going to be reachable by money but through true connections.
Submitted by amrp17 on

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task achievement
Your main points are clear, but they could be strengthened with more specific examples. Consider illustrating your points with concrete situations or more detailed anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a logical progression of ideas, but some transitions between paragraphs and sentences could be smoother. Working on a more seamless flow between points will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are effective, aim to build on your main points with richer supporting details. This would involve exploring examples or arguments in greater depth to substantiate your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
You have effectively set the context and provided a balanced perspective, acknowledging both materialism and the persistence of traditional values.
task achievement
You present a clear thesis statement, which guides the reader through your argument efficiently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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