IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statment

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While
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Computers
Use synonyms
 usually are considered the most vital creature in the
last
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 century, I agree with those who believe that there are many innovations
such
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 as
smartphones
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 and medicines for accurate diseases like cancer. On the one hand, I admit that in the current century,
computers
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 play an important and
also
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, modern role in terms of communication and doing tasks compared to the past.
For example
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, Skype is an efficient app that provides an area to communicate regardless of location or an Office program
that is
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 highly essential for writing ,accounting or giving a lecture at school or university.
However
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, I think, nowadays,
smartphones
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 not only are as useful as
computers
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 but
also
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 they are more productive like making voice calls, text messaging, and saving contact. Apart from that, it is noticeable to say that
computers
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 are not as accessible as
smartphones
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. Apart from that,
Although
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computers
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 have a significant impact on society as far as supporters of them claim that
computers
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 are the most crucial innovation these days, in my opinion, innovating medicine for hard diseases like cancer or contagious ones
such
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 as COVID-19 would be more important
due to
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 the fact that many individuals have a chance to rescue from death and continue their career. I concede that
computers
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 provide an opportunity to search on the Internet and gather information about medical cures for any sickness.
However
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, it will be done in laboratories or by reading relevant books. In conclusion,
although
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computers
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 are said to be the most crucial innovation in the
last
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 century, I wholeheartedly believe that
smartphones
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 may be more important as they give various options more than
computers
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 and
also
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, the accessibility of
smartphones
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 is undeniable compared to
computers
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.
Furthermore
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, Finding medicines for hard illnesses could be more efficient
due to
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 its impact on society.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical mistakes and typos, such as 'creature' instead of 'creation' and 'rescue from death' which should be 'be rescued from death'.
examples
Try to provide more specific examples to deeply support each main point. For instance, you could mention specific medical advancements or treatments that have significantly impacted public health.
balance
Ensure a balance in discussing both sides of the argument. While discussing innovations like smartphones and medications, ensure each point is given enough elaboration to maintain consistency.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which present and wrap up the main arguments effectively.
task response
You have addressed the task effectively by considering multiple perspectives and innovations, which helps in presenting a balanced argument.
examples
The use of examples such as Skype and Office programs adds value and context to your arguments, making them more relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • interconnected
  • innovation
  • democratization
  • accessibility
  • simulations
  • data analysis
  • artificial intelligence
  • digital collaboration
  • remote work
  • productivity
  • virtual classrooms
  • educational software
  • streaming services
  • leisure
  • scientific research
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