More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, there is a dramatic increase in the number of people who are overweight
this
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has caused a number of problems in the city
such
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as fattening food to have low-price, and
this
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can be afforded everywhere.
Therefore
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, some people believe that the growing price of fattening meats can solve
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trouble.
This
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essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided.
To begin
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with, advocates of
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proposition think that the best way to fix
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matter is to raise the price of
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diet.
It is clear that
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fattening meats are the main factor in a rise in weight.
In other words
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, eating meals which have a lot of fat can bring about a big size of the body, and disorder their health.
As a result
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, the government
also
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launched the policy so that buying is too difficult.
For example
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, if people see that a cost increases, they may not buy
due to
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being unworthy.
On the other hand
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, apart from the adjustment of the value, there are several solutions which can solve
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issue
such
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as reducing the number of high-fat dishes in some restaurants or supermarkets.
For instance
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, if they have dinner in a restaurant but
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place does not have junk food like pizza, it will force them to choose other meals.
Moreover
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, encouragement to activities
such
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as playing sports and exercise in order to decrease their heaviness and have good health. In conclusion,
although
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some suggest that plus the cost is the approach to diminishing
this
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trouble, in my view, there are many ways to solve
this
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issue.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Ideas should be organized more effectively with clear topic sentences and logical sequencing. Use a clear introduction, body paragraphs with individual ideas, and a conclusion which restates the position.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not effectively introducing and summarizing the main points of the essay. Work on crafting a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the essay's key arguments.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned, but they are not well-developed or supported with specific details or examples. Try to expand on each point with clear evidence or examples to back up your statements.
task achievement
The response is somewhat repetitive and lacks a complete response to the task. Make sure to directly address the prompt and present a more nuanced discussion of the topic.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are somewhat lacking. Make sure each paragraph presents one clear main idea and that it is expanded upon cohesively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples to support your points are scarce. Increase the effectiveness of your argument by including more detailed examples that are directly related to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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