Write about the following topic: The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is said that communication has changed at the present moment. In fact, it is argued that online apps' are the new way people interact among themselves.
While
some consider these as positive progress, others do believe the drawbacks overcome the advantages. Both aspects will be discussed in the following essay.
Despite the fact that there is some truth in the statements, I completely agree that communication through social media
has brought a big improvement in our lives
.
Firstly
, it is well known that the internet is a tool that provides us the opportunity to connect with those who are far from us. In my personal experience of living abroad, I have lived the benefits that bring to communicating with my closest on social media
. In this
way, my family and friends can be aware of what is happening with my life, same as I can be informed of what is going on with theirs. Furthermore
, if I did not have the opportunity to connect with them through these apps, I would not be able to keep my long-distance friendships, and my family would not known about me either. For instance
, because I am living in that situation, I could not agree more that social media
brings enough positive income into our lives
.
However
, I do understand that if online communication is not used correctly it can have negative outcomes. Nowadays, influencers play a vital role in our lives
because we are blinded to believe everything we see in their profiles. For example
, some people post fake information about their lives
which makes others believe to have less worth because their life looks miserable in comparison with the person who has 15k followers. Moreover
, in this
scenario, the misinformation is causing a negative effect. Same as those who stopped interacting with their family during dinner because they prefer to scroll their phone instead
. Whatever the case, the results are not what was expected, communicate.
To summarise, as both sides have some truth, I do agree that the internet has changed the way we connect with people but the impact will depend on how we are using it. If social media
is affecting our social-physical interaction indeed is wrong, but if is been a tool to be in touch with those who cannot be present, it becomes an improvement.Submitted by amrp17 on
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task response
The essay addresses the task prompt well by discussing both views and giving an opinion. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more balanced analysis. Try to develop each point more completely before moving on to the next one. For example, the paragraph discussing negative effects could benefit from more specific examples or detailed explanations to add depth to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is coherent and generally well-organized. The paragraphs transition smoothly, and the ideas are presented logically. Nonetheless, some sentences are awkwardly constructed or have minor grammatical errors. For example, 'In fact, it is argued that online apps' are the new way people interact among themselves' could be rephrased to 'In fact, it is argued that online apps are the new way people interact with each other.' Focus on tightening up the language and improving sentence structure.
task response
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as personal experiences of living abroad and the influence of social media on long-distance friendships. These examples effectively support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and logically presented. The introduction sets up the topic, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively while offering a balanced perspective. This strengthens the coherence of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example