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Band 7.5

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at schools nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#students #focus #attention #schools
While
 some individuals argue that children should engage in formal learning as soon as possible, others suggest they should come at the age of seven to join the school. I will discuss both statements in the upcoming paragraphs and give a conclusion
at the end
. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons why youngsters should begin their primary schooling at an early age. Nowadays, offspring have a good memory
as well as
 adaptive behaviour use, and they can learn everything very rapidly during
this
 period of time.
For example
, if they begin learning too early, it will be very easy for their brain to gain and assimilate new knowledge.
In addition
, some kids who have amazing talents can be discovered if they get a good education at school.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 leading reasons why it is very important to acquire a comprehensive education after the age of 7. Because the first seven years of a child are considered essential for their growth, both in mental and physical conditions.
For instance
, getting too serious about studying may lead to some health-related problems
such
 as eye disorders, chronic burnout, etc. Alternatively, descendants should have opportunities to take part in outdoor activities, helping them to develop their strengths, which can be useful for them in the near future.
Besides
, they should be encouraged and have chances to undergo music and art, which can enhance their creativity and confidence. In conclusion, children should start schooling later because they can expand their cognitive capacity through play-based activities rather than academic learning.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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Task Achievement
Start essays with a more clear introduction to the topic and outline the key points you will discuss. It will set a clear direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence and make your writing more engaging.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical progression.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s viewpoint in a concise manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • stimulating
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • pressures
  • stress management
  • nutritional factors
  • physical education
  • well-being
  • one-size-fits-all
  • diverse learning styles
  • disengagement
  • personalized learning experiences
  • project-based learning
  • overcrowded
  • infrastructures
  • minimizing distractions
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