IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #business #company #organization
Nowadays, start-ups are being favoured by many individuals rather than working in a firm. There are pros and cons to
this
 development in the work culture of communities. I am of the opinion that the benefits override any drawbacks of running personal businesses and the reasons are highlighted below. To commence with, governments of the growing economies promote start-up businesses even in remote cities, and some people have started to run their own organisations. The most obvious reason for
this
 is that no one wants to be a subordinate generally. It has been evident in many situations that humans like power and authority. Because it has a single authority to dictate terms, decision-making will be easier for these personally-owned companies.
Hence
, the ease of doing transactions and services is greatly improved, which has been the case in most
such
 cases.
For example
, one, who runs IT hardware maintenance, does not have to wait for approval to buy spare parts.
Thus
, decision-making will be faster.
In addition
 to
this
, the efficiency and quality of the work entirely depend on someone who operates the firm. So he will be extra cautious in his work, which will be of higher standards than that of a hired employee.
Moreover
, the money, which was spent for hiring, will be a loss for the institution. So it has a definite advantage over working in another job.
Conversely
, there are some disadvantages too, in which one is worthy to be mentioned here.
While
 running a company alone, there is a chance of missing a variety of inputs which can hinder the improvements as a professional. In a company, your colleagues will contribute to your personal growth.
For instance
, almost all multinational companies have a human resources development department which is dedicated to improving personal skills.But personal businesses lack
this
 cushion. Though
this
 is a clear disadvantage, the benefits outweigh it.
To Conclude
, the pros are stronger in favour of start-ups than working as an employee.
Nevertheless
, some disadvantages are
also
 there which can be controlled by innovation.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed fully. Some points are introduced but not expanded upon, which can make the argument less persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay, the logical structure within the body paragraphs could be improved for better flow and clarity.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your main ideas. Examples help to illustrate your points more clearly and convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and comprehensive. Some points are stated without sufficient exploration or explanation, which weakens the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively, covering both advantages and disadvantages of running a personal business.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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