In some coutries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them
Obesity has become an alarming
problem
due to
less exercise and consumption of unhealthy food . There are many reasons behind this
problem
such
as excessive use of electronic devices, busy schedules prefer
fast food and inadequate urban planning. To tackle Verb problem
apply
this
problem
, the government
should build more parks
and gyms; In addition
, awareness campaigns of unhealthy habits. I will discuss the reasons and how to tackle this
problem
in the upcoming paragraphs with relevant examples.
Why are people
getting fat these days? Firstly
, due to
the advancement of technology, people
prefer to stay at home and spend more time on social media sites and don't want to interact with other people
. Not only does it isolate individuals from societal issues, but it also
negatively impacts their health. For example
, in New Zealand, data from a research study revealed that 60% of people
suffer from hypertension due to
high cholesterol levels because of less exercise . As a result
, it has a harmful effect on health.
In addition
, inadequate urban planning is another reason, so now it is responsibility
of the Add an article
the responsibility
government
bodies to build parks
and gyms for public convenience. To illustrate it, it has seen
in Chandigarh, the state of India, after the installation of gyms and Add a missing verb
been seen
parks
around every sector , 40 per cent of people
were able to maintain a healthy lifestyle . As a result
, it is a good effort by the government
.Furthermore
,If the government
promotes educational campaigns about a sedentary lifestyle, it will help people
who are not aware of its detrimental side effects .
In conclusion, considering the solutions, the government
must need to take essential steps to eradicate this
problem
. Despite having more reason , it can be resolve
with the Change the verb form
be resolved
installments
of more Change the spelling
instalments
parks
and gym facilities and other activities such
as educational training regarding the bad impacts of sedentary
lifestyle.Add an article
a sedentary
Submitted by harjass308 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is fantastic. However, the introduction could be slightly more detailed, clearly stating that you will discuss both the causes and solutions.
logical structure
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and ideas. For example, you mentioned 'obsity' and 'sedentary lifestyle' multiple times without adding new information. Keep your points concise and to the point.
supported main points
Ensure all your main points are fully developed with supporting details. The impacts of technology and poor urban planning were discussed, but adding more specific examples or data would strengthen your argument.
complete response
The essay provides a good range of reasons and solutions for the increase in weight and decrease in fitness. Adding more variety in examples and more detailed explanations could help improve clarity.
task achievement
You successfully identified and addressed both the causes and solutions to the problem, which is excellent for task achievement.
logical structure
Your essay exhibits a good logical flow with appropriate transitions between paragraphs, which enhances readability.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.