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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that robots are very important to human's future development, while others believe they are dangerous and negatively affect society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In current society, whether
robots
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 are crucial to human
further
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 advancement,
while
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 others argue they are threatening and have negative effects has aroused a debate.
Robots
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 can be a fatal technology because they can make numerous people lose their occupations, meanwhile, it
also
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 can give an advantage because
robots
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 can be used to make work easier. From my perspective, I tend to believe that
robots
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 can be useful for human beings. On the one hand, the substitution of human power for
robots
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 in various industries has been a serious matter. Various industry changes their worker to
robots
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 to cut their budget and cause numerous people to lose their jobs.
For instance
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, self-checkout
robots
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 in supermarkets are decreasing the need for shop assistance, making many workers get axes.
This
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consequently
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 causes more unemployment in the region.
On the other hand
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, there is no doubt that
robots
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 make numerous work that need more human power easier. To illustrate, in the manufacturing industry they use
robots
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 to lift heavy goods to higher places,
this
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 efficiently reduces the time in distributing the goods to another section of the factory.
As a result
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, the company can gain more profit in order to their ability to finish more tasks in a short time. I concede
robots
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 have an important role in our lives, they can make a lot of work more efficient. It is commonly accepted that we need
robots
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 to assist our job, it is a canon event we can not deny. To draw a logical conclusion, I would assert that despite the rapid reduction in existing employment opportunities, they are
also
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 a pivotal technology to helping the human revolution.
Nevertheless
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, communities and industries should find solutions to the problem caused by using
robots
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Address complex sentences and structures to elevate the clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples and details to fully develop your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are discussed, reflecting a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to illustrate points, such as the use of self-checkout robots in supermarkets.
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