Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

There is no holistic development of a country without a consistent growth of its public

health

sector. Some argue that the best way for

this

improvement is by increasing

sports

facilities,

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

is it really the principal way compared to all the other measures? I do not believe so. Primarily, the argument for the notion, is that

sports

facilities by definition will obviously provide citizens

Change preposition

with more

show examples

space to engage in various

sports

which essentially means more potential and availability for physical activity to be carried out which undoubtedly is one of the major factors in promoting healthier lifestyles.

Furthermore

, it introduces more exciting ways for individuals to work out.

For instance

, a lot of people who are unaware of the variety of ways in which they can carry out their daily movement particularly benefit from having a

sports

centre nearby where they can be introduced to options other than just having a walk around the park in the name of fitness. Having said all that, it is not sufficient enough for improvement on a more national level. Issues regarding drinking water quality and the healthcare system, concern public

health

far more significantly than personal physical fitness does.

Therefore

, I believe

government's

Correct article usage

the government's

show examples

monetary investments should

instead

go into making healthcare more affordable and accessible for every socio-economic class across the country.

For example

, farmers, who make up a large occupational sector in India, live in small villages but have no less physical expenditure than an athlete does, yet are victims to most illnesses

due to

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

show examples

of hospitals in said villages and poor quality of water being supplied there. All in all,

sports

facilities are undeniably an excellent way to promote public

health

but I cannot agree that it is the best one. There are more dire factors like drinking water and hospital infrastructures, which if tended to

first,

could revolutionise a country's

health

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task response

The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task prompt. However, there is room for improvement in making the transitions between points a little smoother. Also, adding a few more specific examples could further strengthen your argument and provide additional support for your main points.

coherence cohesion

While the essay maintains logical structure and clear organization, at times the flow could benefit from more seamless transitions between ideas. Use more cohesive devices such as furthermore, in addition, and hence to link your points together more fluidly.

task response

You have effectively addressed both views and provided a well-reasoned personal opinion, which is essential for a high task response score.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present and well crafted, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing the main points discussed.

task response

Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

People say that nowadays, modern teens are too reliant on Information Technologies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on individual and on his/her family?

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, more and more employees choose to work remotely, for example from their homes. Many view this as a positive development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?