IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #gym #activities #stairs
Some people claim that the most effective way to maintain
fitness
 is by joining a
gym
,
while
 others believe that engaging in daily
activities
 like walking and climbing stairs is enough. I would argue that
while
 both approaches have their merits, a balanced combination of both might be the most effective strategy for staying fit. There might be several reasons why people advocate for joining a
gym
 as the best way to stay fit.
This
 means that gyms offer a structured environment with access to various exercise equipment, professional trainers, and specialized workout programs.
For instance
, individuals aiming to build muscle or lose weight can benefit from personalized training plans and the use of machines designed for specific exercises.
Additionally
, the social aspect of working out in a
gym
 can serve as motivation, as seeing another exercise can inspire individuals to push themselves harder. Despite the arguments mentioned above, other individuals argue that incorporating physical activity into everyday life is sufficient for maintaining
fitness
. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
,
activities
such
 as walking to work, taking the stairs
instead
 of the elevator, and doing household chores can contribute significantly to one’s
overall
fitness
 levels.
Such
activities
 could be especially beneficial for those with busy schedules who may find it difficult to allocate time for
gym
 visits.
Moreover
, these everyday
activities
 are more sustainable and can be seamlessly integrated into one’s routine without the need for special equipment or membership fees. In conclusion,
while
 some people believe that joining a
gym
 is the best way to stay fit, others argue that everyday
activities
 can be just as effective. I believe that combining regular exercise at the
gym
 with an active lifestyle is the most comprehensive approach to maintaining
fitness
.
Submitted by eparfenenkov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
It would be beneficial to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could cite studies or expert opinions that highlight the benefits of gym workouts versus everyday activities.
task achievement
Try to develop your supporting points further. For instance, you could elaborate on how daily activities vary in intensity and how they compare to structured gym workouts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly into the next. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and offers a personal opinion, which is well-reasoned and justified.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured workouts
  • Professional guidance
  • Variety of equipment
  • Tailored fitness programs
  • Motivation
  • Convenient
  • Cost-effective
  • Natural integration
  • Comprehensive workout
  • Measure progress
  • Self-motivation
  • Sustainable
  • Fitness habits
  • General well-being
  • Psychological benefits
  • Intimidation
  • Time commitment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: