IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people claim that the
responsibility
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 for
crime
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 prevention lies with the
government
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,
while
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 others believe that
individuals
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 should protect themselves. I would argue that both the
government
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 and
individuals
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 play crucial roles in reducing
crime
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, but the primary
responsibility
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 should rest with the
government
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. There might be several reasons why the
government
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 should take the lead in
crime
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 prevention.
This
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 means that the
government
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 has the resources, authority, and infrastructure necessary to enforce laws and maintain public safety.
For instance
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, law enforcement agencies,
such
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 as the police, are funded and managed by the
government
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 to monitor criminal activity and intervene when necessary.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 can implement policies that address the root causes of
crime
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,
such
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 as poverty and lack of education, which are beyond the control of individual citizens. By addressing these systemic issues, the
government
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 can create a safer society for everyone. Despite the arguments mentioned above, some people believe that
individuals
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 must take
responsibility
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 for their own safety.
In other words
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, they argue that people should be proactive in protecting themselves by taking measures
such
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 as installing security systems, being aware of their surroundings, and learning
self-defense
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self-defence
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.
Such
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 personal vigilance could indeed reduce the likelihood of becoming a victim of
crime
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.
However
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,
while
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 these actions are important, they are not sufficient on their own to prevent
crime
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 on a larger scale. In conclusion,
while
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individuals
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 can take steps to protect themselves, I believe that the
government
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 bears the primary
responsibility
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 for
crime
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 prevention. The
government
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’s ability to address the root causes of
crime
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 and maintain public order is essential for ensuring a safe and secure society.

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task response
Ensure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Mention real-world scenarios, statistics, or studies supporting your points.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is well-structured and clear, adding transition phrases between arguments can further enhance the flow and coherence.
task response
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly summarize the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with well-supported main points.
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