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Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you a agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future #agree
Nowadays, there has been an increase in the number of
people
 who pay attention to the issue of saving
money
. It is said that everyone, especially young
people
 should make saving
money
 a habit because it is important to their future. Personally, I completely agree with the statement, and reasons will be provided in
this
 essay. It is undeniable that
savings
 can provide a stable economic security.
That is
 to say, accidents in
people
's daily lives are inevitable. When
people
 get injured and have to pay a large amount of medical
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 or lose their jobs, having a certain amount of
savings
 can help them maintain their living standard and reduce financial stress during these difficult times. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
savings
 are the security of
people
's lives, everyone should save
money
 for their future.
In addition
, young
people
 should
also
 save
money
 because the
savings
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 them to start their own business whenever they want. To be specific, if teenagers don't have deposits, they cannot start their own companies easily. They have to borrow
money
 everywhere, and once they fail, they might not have the ability to pay the
money
 back and there is a risk that they may come up with silly ideas which can be dangerous for them and surroundings.
Therefore
, it is especially important for young
people
 to save
money
.
In addition
, cultivating a saving habit is a wise choice for those who are born to be ambitious or pursuing a challenging life. Meaning that the
savings
 enable them to engage in. In conclusion, I completely agree with the statement that everyone should save
money
, especially teenagers, and I believe that
people
 should form good saving habits for their future.
Submitted by 2575444164 on

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task achievement
Be careful to avoid repetition, such as repeating phrases like 'it is undeniable' or 'should save money.' Try to vary your expressions to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
The third body paragraph appears to be incomplete and lacks development. Ensure all points introduced are fully elaborated to provide a comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on making smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help maintain a logical flow and improve readability.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the essay's main argument and the conclusion effectively sums up the main points discussed.
supported main points
The essay provides relevant reasons and examples to support the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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