IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents give their children everything that they ask for, and allow them to do what they want. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

In modern upbringing, some
parents
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 give their kids anything they ask for and freedom to do whatever they want.
This
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 essay would argue that
this
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 is not the most appropriate
way
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 to raise
children
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 because
this
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way
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 may lead to some personal issues
such
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 as lack of responsibility and emotional
control
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.
This
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way
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 can
also
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 have consequences in the
future
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 lives of these
children
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such
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 as difficulty in handling
rejection
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 and lack of independence. Giving
children
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 everything they ask for has a negative impact on their
personality
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 especially,
this
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way
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 associated with irresponsibility in a child’s
personality
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. If
children
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 always get what they want without effort, they will not learn the value of hard work or responsibility.
Additionally
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,
this
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way
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 contributes to a lack of emotional
control
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.
Children
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 must learn how they
control
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 their emotions because that might create a hard person to deal with in the
future
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.
For instance
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, when
children
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 are not taught to accept limits or deal with disappointment, they may struggle with emotional regulation in the
future
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 and build healthy relations with their partners and people in their personal lives.
Hence
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,
children
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 must learn how they can
control
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 themselves before they grow up in order to build a healthy life in the
future
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 and responsible adults.
However
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,
this
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way
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also
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 might have consequences in the
future
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such
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 as not bearing
rejection
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. People should learn how to accept and deal with
rejection
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 from an early age and build a strong
personality
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 because life needs a strong person to avoid problems that might face in their
future
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 lives.
Moreover
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, giving
children
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 everything they ask for has a consequence of lacking independence.
For example
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,
children
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 might rely on their
parents
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 to solve their problems which makes it hard for them to be self-sufficient in the
future
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. The more
parents
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 teach their
children
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 they cannot take everything they want, the greater minimize dependence
personality
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. In conclusion, with modern upbringing, some
parents
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 do everything for their
children
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, which can make that child irresponsible and difficult to
control
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 their emotions. I believe
this
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way
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 has some consequences in the
future
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 as lacking of handling
rejection
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 and independence.

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Task Achievement
The essay does well to address both parts of the task. However, consider providing more detailed and diverse examples to illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a clearer and more varied range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
You have successfully tackled the task by discussing the potential negative impacts on children and future consequences.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: