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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Over population in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem, what are the causes of it and how can it be solved

#population #centers #world
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Nowadays, one of the most serious issues in many of the world's megacities is overcrowding. There are many reasons why
this
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 happens,
such
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 as the underdevelopment of rural
areas
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 and so on;
however
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, they all may be solved. There are several reasons why there is overpopulation in large urban
areas
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 these days.
Firstly
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, limited job opportunities in rural
areas
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 push people to urban centres, which means that a lot of citizens from villages come to megacities in the hope of finding a well-paid job and staying there to live.
For example
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, individuals in Kazakhstan tend to move to another large region
such
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 as Astana or Almata in order to gain an adequate sum of money resulting in overcrowding.
Secondly
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, there a better education and healthcare facilities in big cities attracting the rural population. If undergraduates want to acquire excellent knowledge and good healthcare , they will try to relocate to great urban
areas
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.
Finally
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, it is logical that metropolises provide a good level of infrastructure, buildings and other constructions, so a tremendous number of people more and more want to see them.
However
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, there are some methods of dealing with
this
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 problem. If the government wants to stem the tide of citizens overpopulating the city, similar facilities should be established in rural
areas
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.
For instance
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, the administration has to construct some buildings
such
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 as universities with a good quality of education and medical centres which will provide a great quality of healthcare.
Additionally
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, a less easy way to reduce overpopulation is to increase the scale of an area or connect multiple cities to send people there. By doing
this
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, the state can easily solve the mentioned problem for a
while
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.
Moreover
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, adapting rural regions with a number of jobs is
also
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 a great way. As a prime example, there are more vacant places in rural
areas
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 where there is nothing, and the state can use these places to build several factories
such
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 as for manufacturing clothes, food and so on;
consequently
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, citizens would be able to stay in their hometowns and work there. In conclusion,
although
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 mankind considers overpopulation an unsolvable problem, there are many ways to solve it,
such
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 as creating the same opportunities for rural residents as those in megacities.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
Strengthen the examples with more specificity. While the examples provided are relevant, adding specific data or anecdotes could enhance their impact and make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs. For instance, linking sentences that serve as bridges between the discussion of causes and solutions could improve the overall smoothness of the text.
coherence cohesion
Revise for minor grammatical errors and typos. For instance, 'there (is) a better education' should be 'there (are) better education.' Attending to such details will improve the clarity of your ideas and overall readability.
task achievement
The essay covers both causes and solutions of overpopulation in urban centers comprehensively, making it a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your organization of ideas into separate paragraphs for causes and solutions adds to the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, reinforcing the solutions proposed earlier, which demonstrates coherence and a good structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urban centers
  • rural areas
  • job opportunities
  • education facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • family planning
  • birth rates
  • infrastructure management
  • sustainable development
  • population control measures
  • urban planning
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