IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Despite scientist's warning about protecting the environment, many people do not pay attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save environment?

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A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 do not think about saving the world, despite warning scientists to do
this
Linking Words
. The primary cause of
this
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 phenomenon is
people
Use synonyms
 do not think about the future of the planet, and the most viable solution is to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 about
this
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 issue. A huge number of humans do not pay attention to saving our environment. They do not want to do
this
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 and think that there is no need to do
this
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 because they think that other
people
Use synonyms
 who will clean the garbage will do
this
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 for them.
For example
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, my friend Maksat is a very stupid person and when he threw a bottle of Coca-Cola on the ground, I told him to throw it into the trash but he
says
Wrong verb form
said
show examples
 it would be ok and other
people
Use synonyms
 who
obliged
Add a missing verb
were obliged
show examples
 to do
this
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, will clean after him. A long-term solution to
this
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 predicament is to educate young
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of not cleaning and saving the world.
Children
Use synonyms
 in schools could be taught about how to clean garbage after them. They are
also
Linking Words
 likely to teach their parents about the things they learned at school and adults will
also
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 influenced by
this
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 initiative.
For instance
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, school
children
Use synonyms
 in China were taught about the consequences of throwing trash everywhere, which presents an increase in the percentage of clean places. In conclusion, A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to defend our world because they do not want to do
this
Linking Words
 and their
children
Use synonyms
 must be taught that there no good ending to throwing garbage is the only answer.

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task achievement
In the introduction, the rephrasing of the topic is a bit awkward. Ensure that the paraphrase clearly presents the issue. For example, 'Despite scientists warning about the need to protect the environment, many people fail to take any actions.'
task achievement
Some points lack depth and need further elaboration. For your points to be more convincing, provide more detailed explanations and varied examples.
task achievement
Avoid using phrases like 'my friend Maksat is a very stupid person' as it may appear unprofessional. Instead, use neutral, objective language.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs logically connect. In the second paragraph, it would help to transition better from the general point to the specific example. For instance, 'This mindset is exemplified by situations like my friend...'
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses both parts of the task – identifying reasons and suggesting solutions.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the situation with Maksat and the school initiative in China, make the points more concrete.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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