Despite scientist's warning about protecting the environment, many people do not pay attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save environment?
A lot of
people
do not think about saving the world, despite warning scientists to do this
. The primary cause of this
phenomenon is people
do not think about the future of the planet, and the most viable solution is to educate their children
about this
issue.
A huge number of humans do not pay attention to saving our environment. They do not want to do this
and think that there is no need to do this
because they think that other people
who will clean the garbage will do this
for them. For example
, my friend Maksat is a very stupid person and when he threw a bottle of Coca-Cola on the ground, I told him to throw it into the trash but he says
it would be ok and other Wrong verb form
said
people
who obliged
to do Add a missing verb
were obliged
this
, will clean after him.
A long-term solution to this
predicament is to educate young people
about the dangers of not cleaning and saving the world. Children
in schools could be taught about how to clean garbage after them. They are also
likely to teach their parents about the things they learned at school and adults will also
influenced by this
initiative. For instance
, school children
in China were taught about the consequences of throwing trash everywhere, which presents an increase in the percentage of clean places.
In conclusion, A lot of people
do not want to defend our world because they do not want to do this
and their children
must be taught that there no good ending to throwing garbage is the only answer.Submitted by Kawasaki on
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task achievement
In the introduction, the rephrasing of the topic is a bit awkward. Ensure that the paraphrase clearly presents the issue. For example, 'Despite scientists warning about the need to protect the environment, many people fail to take any actions.'
task achievement
Some points lack depth and need further elaboration. For your points to be more convincing, provide more detailed explanations and varied examples.
task achievement
Avoid using phrases like 'my friend Maksat is a very stupid person' as it may appear unprofessional. Instead, use neutral, objective language.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs logically connect. In the second paragraph, it would help to transition better from the general point to the specific example. For instance, 'This mindset is exemplified by situations like my friend...'
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses both parts of the task – identifying reasons and suggesting solutions.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the situation with Maksat and the school initiative in China, make the points more concrete.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?