IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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Although
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 some people argue that the primary goal of
science
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 should be to raise people’s quality of life, I partly agree with the idea and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss reasons to support my perspective. There are various reasons why scientists should make efforts to enhance human lives.
Firstly
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,
science
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 has made many significant improvements in many aspects
such
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 as healthcare and education. Medical research has resulted in the creation of vaccines and treatments, which are life-saving.
Additionally
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, thanks to technological inventions based on
science
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, electricity and the Internet have changed the way people study and work. By taking advantage of these, we can explore new knowledge and our communication and work procedures have become more effective and convenient making our lives more comfortable and enjoyable.
Furthermore
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, promoting the application of
science
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 in agricultural practice helps enhance the productivity and quality of produce in rural areas, ensuring food security and increasing income for farmers and traders.
However
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, there are other fields that
science
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 should focus on. Particularly,
science
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 has played a crucial role in resolving global issues and reducing climate change
as well as
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 protecting natural resources. The fact is that many scientists have been seeking renewable resources known as solar energy, wind power, hydropower and even nuclear power with the hope to replace current energy sources of fossil fuels.
As a result
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, the air will be less polluted and global warming will be slower leading to improved public health.
Moreover
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, once humans consume alternative energy, other sources including oil, natural gases, and coal will be conserved. In conclusion,
although
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 the sole aim of
science
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 is believed to enhance human lives, I suppose that
science
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 has a greater role in making advancements in protecting our planet and its species.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured and coherent, try to make smoother transitions between some of your ideas. For example, use more linking words or phrases to clearly outline the relationship between different points.
task achievement
In addition to the existing examples, more specific and diverse examples could further strengthen your arguments. Try to include statistical data or case studies to make your points even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion, which make your argument coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides relevant and specific examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, making your argument convincing and logically sound.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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