Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that advertising is now encouraging people to buy unnecessary things.
However
, some individuals say that the advertisements
which help popularize new goods enhance people’s living standards. According to these
statements, Change preposition
These
this
essay would
cast light on Wrong verb form
will
it
through these passages.
On the one hand, Correct pronoun usage
apply
advertisements
are one of the most important and effective ways for customers to buy things that have no value. Compared to the past, electronic cigarettes were successful in the 2000s, which helped a lot of people recover from tuberculosis and lung cancer immediately. However
, these days, the market is now becoming saturated which causes less
chances to invent these revolutionary Change the quantifier
fewer
products
that change people’s lives. Instead
of having life-changing products
, it may be harder to access the customers due to
many advertisements
controlled by a number of big companies, they just want to advertise their own goods.
On the other hand
, I believed
that the main reason Wrong verb form
believe
of
the Change preposition
for
advertisements
is persuading their customers to buy their goods regardless of intended use. Many corporations frequently exaggerate their
small features which they advertise. Change the word
the
For instance
, many big technology brands such
as samsung
, Change the capitalization
Samsung
iphone
, Correct your spelling
iPhone
xiaomi
, oppo, Change the capitalization
Xiaomi
nokia
and so Change the capitalization
Nokia
ford
. The brands may care about selling their Correct your spelling
forth
products
and do not care about the customer's experience. Furthermore
, many companies might hire celebrities to advertise their own products
to be more popular to
citizens, which can attract the fans of those famous people immediately Change preposition
with
due to
their love for celebrities, not for the products
.
In conclusion, these are the realizations of advertising products
which may be unnecessary for people’s daily life
or in need of some individuals' Fix the agreement mistake
lives
life
in a hasty way.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task achievement
You provided a complete response by discussing both views and giving your own opinion, which is commendable. However, ensure that your examples and points are very specific and strongly support your argument. For instance, the reference to electronic cigarettes and their market saturation can be elaborated more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the transition between ideas can be improved to make it flow more smoothly. Consider employing more cohesive devices such as 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', and 'In addition' to link your ideas.
task achievement
While you have clear and comprehensive ideas, it would be beneficial to develop them further and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, the mention of electronic cigarettes and celebrities could be elaborated with more detail on how they influence consumer behavior.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are clearly divided and have identifiable main points. To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph fully explores its main point before moving on to the next one. Additionally, try to link the paragraphs to ensure better flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly sets the stage for your discussion, and the conclusion neatly summarizes the key points of the essay while restating your main opinion. This will help in reinforcing your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view. This is a strong point in achieving task response.
task achievement
The use of examples like electronic cigarettes and celebrity endorsements helps illustrate your points, making your essay more relatable and engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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