Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
modern age, advertising becoming more and more advanced. A significant number of people
argue that advertiments
can Correct your spelling
advertisements
promote
society to purchase many objects which is not really necessary. Verb problem
encourage
While
others believe that advertisements are able to give us more information about various equipments
that may improve our lives.
Change the wording
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
One
the one hand, advertising can certainly tempt Correct your spelling
On
people
to buy products they may not want. A good example could be cell phones. Every year one can find people
lining up to buy the latest phone models, even if they already have a perfectly good phone that doesn't need a replacement. It may have been the main influence of the subsequent operation that led us to make such
decisions; we want to meet the latest website trends or have the highest performing
equipment. Strong iPhone sales seem to support Add a hyphen
highest-performing
this
idea.
On the other hand
, I believe that most people
do not buy products just because of advertising. There are other good reasons we offer these drug options and there must be some kind of need before a person makes a purchase. New versions of products almost always have improved features that buyers may want. For example
, a new car may have significantly improved safety features or
may not run more economically or may pollute less. A new phone can allow users to communicate faster or more effectively, thereby improving their quality of life.
In conclusion, I would Correct word choice
apply
give
Verb problem
apply
a
claim that advertisements play a crucial role in our daily Correct article usage
apply
life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
also
in many fields. I believe that in the future, more and more content creator
can develop advertisements to a great extent. Ultimately, they Fix the agreement mistake
creators
also
have to decline the limitations as much as possible.Submitted by document.hanie on
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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your argument. Some transitions between points can be smoother. Try to make sure each point leads naturally to the next.
task achievement
While your essay covers both views and provides an opinion, it can be more comprehensive. Address counterarguments in more detail for a balanced view.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
language
Watch out for minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. For example, 'One the one hand' should be 'On the one hand,' and 'some kind of need before a person makes a purchase' could be phrased more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, giving your essay a nice frame.
task achievement
You addressed both views on the topic, which shows your ability to understand and present multiple perspectives.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provide, such as those related to cell phones and cars, are relevant and help to illustrate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?