IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern age, advertising becoming more and more advanced. A significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
advertiments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
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 society to purchase many objects which is not really necessary.
While
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 others believe that advertisements are able to give us more information about various
equipments
Change the wording
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 that may improve our lives.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand, advertising can certainly tempt
people
Use synonyms
 to buy products they may not want. A good example could be cell phones. Every year one can find
people
Use synonyms
 lining up to buy the latest phone models, even if they already have a perfectly good phone that doesn't need a replacement. It may have been the main influence of the subsequent operation that led us to make
such
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 decisions; we want to meet the latest website trends or have the
highest performing
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highest-performing
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 equipment. Strong iPhone sales seem to support
this
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 idea.
On the other hand
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, I believe that most
people
Use synonyms
 do not buy products just because of advertising. There are other good reasons we offer these drug options and there must be some kind of need before a person makes a purchase. New versions of products almost always have improved features that buyers may want.
For example
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, a new car may have significantly improved safety features
or
Correct word choice
apply
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may not run more economically or may pollute less. A new phone can allow users to communicate faster or more effectively, thereby improving their quality of life. In conclusion, I would
give
Verb problem
apply
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a
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apply
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claim that advertisements play a crucial role in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and
also
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 in many fields. I believe that in the future, more and more content
creator
Fix the agreement mistake
creators
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 can develop advertisements to a great extent. Ultimately, they
also
Linking Words
 have to decline the limitations as much as possible.

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your argument. Some transitions between points can be smoother. Try to make sure each point leads naturally to the next.
task achievement
While your essay covers both views and provides an opinion, it can be more comprehensive. Address counterarguments in more detail for a balanced view.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
language
Watch out for minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. For example, 'One the one hand' should be 'On the one hand,' and 'some kind of need before a person makes a purchase' could be phrased more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, giving your essay a nice frame.
task achievement
You addressed both views on the topic, which shows your ability to understand and present multiple perspectives.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provide, such as those related to cell phones and cars, are relevant and help to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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