IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In today’s, we still greatly value our artists (such as musicians, painters and writers) even now is age of advanced science and technology. Why is it? How arts improve people’s live?

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In today’s world, artists play a vital role in our mental life. Even though now is an era of advanced science and technology, residents still show their respect to well-known artists. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the effect of
art
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 on
people
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's lives and give reasonable solutions for
this
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 phenomenon.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of crucial reasons which help painters gain respect from the public.
Firstly
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, they are responsible for creating invaluable products which can help citizens know about the culture and customs of their nation.
Additionally
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,
people
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 who make inestimable artworks are geniuses.
Therefore
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, these nations are extremely precious and limited in modern society. It is a common phenomenon
due to
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 the spiritual value which they create for the public.
For instance
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, Ariana is a well-known singer in Switzerland,
thus
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 she always tries to spread her nation’s beauty around the world through numerous excellent products. One of the key benefits of
art
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 is its ability to promote emotional healing. In a world
that is
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 increasingly driven by information and technology, a plethora of
people
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 experience high levels of stress and anxiety.
Art
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 can offer a medium for releasing these emotions, providing a sense of catharsis and relief. The example of Picasso's Blue Period illustrates
this
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 point well. By using blue shades in his paintings, Picasso was able to reduce his own depression and anxiety. By tapping into the emotional power of
art
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, we can support our mental health and continue to excel in scientific pursuits. In conclusion,
while
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 science and technology are essential to our society's progress, we must not forget the value of craft.
Art
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 can offer vital benefits
such
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 as mental therapy and historical reflection. Governments should encourage young
people
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 to engage with both science and profession to promote education and a more meaningful cultural life.

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task response
Ensure your thesis statement directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Your essay should fully explain why artists are valued and how art improves people's lives.
task response
Some ideas and examples need more clarity and expansion. For example, elaborating on how Picasso's Blue Period helps illustrate the mental benefits of art.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing and linking ideas logically. Some parts of your essay jump between different points without clear transitions, which can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Include stronger transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay. Each paragraph should clearly build on the previous one.
task response
Your discussion on the importance of artists and their impact on culture is well-founded and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which contribute to the overall coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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