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Band 6

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore school should not waste valuable time having sports as part of curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #exercise #responsibility #parents #school #waste #time #sports #part #curriculum
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Sports
Use synonyms
 play an indispensable
role
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 in promoting
health
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 and
overall
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 well-being. The debate over whether
parents
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 or
schools
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 should bear the responsibility for
children
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's physical activities remains contentious.
However
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, I strongly disagree with the view that
schools
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 should exclude
sports
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 from their curricula.
Instead
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, I believe that the responsibility for
children
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's physical
health
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 should be a shared effort between both
schools
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 and
parents
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.
This
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 essay will argue why it is essential to include
sports
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 as part of the academic curriculum
while
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also
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 emphasizing the
role
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 of
parents
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 in fostering their
children
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's physical well-being. First and foremost, integrating
sports
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 into
school
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 curricula is crucial because it teaches students essential life skills that extend beyond physical fitness. Participating in
sports
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 fosters teamwork, discipline, and resilience—qualities that are invaluable in both personal and professional settings. When students engage in group activities
such
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 as football, volleyball, or relay races, they learn the importance of working as a cohesive unit towards common objectives.
This
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 collaborative learning environment not only enhances communication and cooperation skills but
also
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 builds character, laying a strong foundation for future success.
Therefore
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,
sports
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 in
schools
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 serve a dual purpose: they not only promote physical
health
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 but
also
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 contribute to the holistic development of students.
Furthermore
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, the
school
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 setting provides a structured environment where
children
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 can engage in regular physical activity under the guidance of trained professionals. Physical education teachers are equipped to ensure that
children
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 participate in exercises that are appropriate for their age and fitness levels, thereby reducing the risk of injury and promoting long-term
health
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.
Additionally
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, the inclusion of
sports
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 in the curriculum helps to instil a routine of physical activity, which is crucial for combating the rising rates of childhood obesity and related
health
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 issues.
On the other hand
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, the
role
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 of
parents
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 in ensuring their
children
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's physical
health
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 cannot be understated.
Parents
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 have the advantage of spending more time with their
children
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 outside of
school
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 hours, allowing them to monitor and encourage healthy
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 consistently.
For example
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,
parents
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 can introduce their
children
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 to various physical activities during weekends or vacations, ensuring that they remain active even outside of
school
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.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 can influence their
children
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's dietary habits, making sure that they are consuming nutritious meals that support their physical development. In
this
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 way,
parents
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 complement the efforts of
schools
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 by reinforcing healthy practices at home. In conclusion, both
schools
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 and
parents
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 have a critical
role
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 to play in ensuring that
children
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 maintain regular physical activity.
While
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schools
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 provide a structured environment where
children
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 can learn the importance of teamwork and discipline through
sports
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,
parents
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 reinforce these values by encouraging healthy habits at home.
Therefore
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, rather than viewing physical education as a waste of time, it should be seen as a vital component of a well-rounded education that prepares
children
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 for the challenges of the future.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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task achievement
Your essay delivers a well-rounded argument that convincingly supports your stance. However, to enhance the Task Achievement criterion further, providing even more diverse and specific examples can strengthen your argumentation. Drawing on a variety of sources or more precise case studies could make your points more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is well-structured and the logical flow of ideas is evident, you can still improve coherence and cohesion by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases. This would make the transitions between paragraphs and within them smoother, further clarifying the relationship between your arguments.
task achievement
You have done an excellent job in providing a thorough and comprehensive answer to the question, which covers multiple dimensions of the issue. Your arguments are well-developed and clearly presented.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, ensuring that your argument is easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overall development
  • well-being
  • access to physical activity
  • time, resources, knowledge
  • childhood obesity
  • associated health issues
  • academic performance
  • concentration, memory, behavior
  • team sports
  • life skills
  • teamwork, leadership, discipline
  • outside a school environment
  • prioritize
  • imbalance in development
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