IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, young individuals prefer to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in pre-training
courses
Use synonyms
 for certain
job
Use synonyms
 roles and enter the
job
Use synonyms
 market immediately,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending four years at
university
Use synonyms
 and graduating with a major that might not align with their future preferences. There are more advantages than disadvantages to
this
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 approach, and
this
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 essay will discuss them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not all jobs in today's world require an academic background.
Moreover
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, many teenagers choose not to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in a
university
Use synonyms
 program, as they cannot connect with scientific subjects.
Thus
Linking Words
, participating in work-based training can be a useful alternative for them.
For example
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, a 6-month interior design course, focused on practical skills rather than abstract subjects, is a good option for those who prefer not to pursue a four-year bachelor's degree in architecture at a
university
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, some individuals need to save time and earn money quickly. Time constraints prevent many students from committing to long-term
university
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 programs after college graduation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they argue that engaging in short-term
courses
Use synonyms
 and acquiring specific skills for their preferred
job
Use synonyms
 can be a more efficient approach, allowing them to support themselves. Specifically, students who do not have a supporting family can not only provide for their accommodation but
also
Linking Words
 cover their
university
Use synonyms
 tuition fees.
Therefore
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, these
job
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-training
courses
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 are their only opportunity to gain essential knowledge and skills, equipping them for specific
job
Use synonyms
 tasks. In conclusion, there are several benefits to
this
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 opportunity for young people who do not wish to enter the academic field and for those who lack the time and money for
university
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the disadvantages to provide a more balanced discussion. While you argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, a deeper exploration of the cons is crucial for a comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic proficiency. For example, instead of repeating 'many,' you could use synonyms like 'numerous' or 'a multitude of.' Additionally, vary your sentence openings to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making the argument coherent.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly in explaining why some young people prefer work-based training.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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