IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that team sports are more beneficial than individual sports. What are the benefits of playing in the team? How can it help later in life?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some cases,
team
Use synonyms
 sports are more beneficial than individual sports. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I think that playing in a
team
Use synonyms
 can provide the chance for
cooperation
Use synonyms
 and believe that it can improve communication and interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 for better in the future.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, staging a
team
Use synonyms
 sport can indeed provide certain advantages in terms of
cooperation
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because an outstanding
team
Use synonyms
 need to communicate consistently.
For instance
Linking Words
, the USA basketball
team
Use synonyms
 won the gold prize in the 2024 Olympics recently. Before winning the gold prize, the coaches and
players
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
team
Use synonyms
 must communicate continuously, try to regulate the most powerful strategies, and ultimately defeat other competitors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with gradually cooperating, the chemical effects of the
team
Use synonyms
 are another vitally important factor to help them win each game.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
team
Use synonyms
 presents the importance of
cooperation
Use synonyms
. After cultivating beneficent
cooperation
Use synonyms
, individuals may be more likely to go
further
Linking Words
 to train their communication and interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 as
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is the fundamental of the two crucial
skills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the extraordinary basketball player, Lebron James, is very good at communicating and interacting with other
players
Use synonyms
. Instances
such
Linking Words
 as passing the ball to help others receive assistance, sending expensive smartphones to other
players
Use synonyms
 whom James plays with, and holding charity to alleviate some financial problems in those poor families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, James usually uses his cooperative ability to connect with other
players
Use synonyms
, thereby winning the NBA championship.
As a result
Linking Words
, these sufficiently illustrate that having a strong
cooperation
Use synonyms
 skill can cause many comprehensive benefits. In conclusion,
team
Use synonyms
 sports undoubtedly provide some advantages, especially in
cooperation
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 benefit supports humans in developing other significant
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as communication and interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 later in life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While the essay addresses the prompt well, some points can be further elaborated. Provide additional detailed examples and explanations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main benefits of team sports clearly.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas related to the benefits of team sports.
task response
The paragraph on LeBron James provides a relevant and specific example, which adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's viewpoint, making it easy for the reader to follow the essay's main arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: