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Band 6

Some people say that team sports are more beneficial than individual sports. What are the benefits of playing in the team? How can it help later in life?

#people #team #sports #life
In some cases,
team
 sports are more beneficial than individual sports. In
this
 essay, I think that playing in a
team
 can provide the chance for
cooperation
 and believe that it can improve communication and interpersonal
skills
 for better in the future.
To begin
 with, staging a
team
 sport can indeed provide certain advantages in terms of
cooperation
.
This
 is because an outstanding
team
 need to communicate consistently.
For instance
, the USA basketball
team
 won the gold prize in the 2024 Olympics recently. Before winning the gold prize, the coaches and
players
 of
this
team
 must communicate continuously, try to regulate the most powerful strategies, and ultimately defeat other competitors.
Furthermore
, with gradually cooperating, the chemical effects of the
team
 are another vitally important factor to help them win each game.
Consequently
,
this
team
 presents the importance of
cooperation
. After cultivating beneficent
cooperation
, individuals may be more likely to go
further
 to train their communication and interpersonal
skills
 as
cooperation
 is the fundamental of the two crucial
skills
.
For example
, the extraordinary basketball player, Lebron James, is very good at communicating and interacting with other
players
. Instances
such
 as passing the ball to help others receive assistance, sending expensive smartphones to other
players
 whom James plays with, and holding charity to alleviate some financial problems in those poor families.
Moreover
, James usually uses his cooperative ability to connect with other
players
, thereby winning the NBA championship.
As a result
, these sufficiently illustrate that having a strong
cooperation
 skill can cause many comprehensive benefits. In conclusion,
team
 sports undoubtedly provide some advantages, especially in
cooperation
.
In addition
,
this
 benefit supports humans in developing other significant
skills
,
such
 as communication and interpersonal
skills
 later in life.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task response
While the essay addresses the prompt well, some points can be further elaborated. Provide additional detailed examples and explanations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main benefits of team sports clearly.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas related to the benefits of team sports.
task response
The paragraph on LeBron James provides a relevant and specific example, which adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's viewpoint, making it easy for the reader to follow the essay's main arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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