Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that rich countries should increase the acceptance of
newcoming
Correct your spelling
becoming
foreigners and provide them with basic life necessities. I totally agree with
this
statement because
this
option contributes
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
country
finding cheap workers and gives
a new opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
new opportunities
a new opportunity
show examples
for incomers to build a new life. Accepting more
people
from other nations might be a very good investment for the future. It is obvious that most refugees will be young
people
, who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
to find a job there. If the
country
accepts them,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new wave of cheap labour force will arrive there.
For example
, in my
country
, many young
people
come from Uzbekistan seeking work
due to
economic crises in their own
country
.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
Kazakhstan gets a working force, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
develop the
country
.
Moreover
,
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
should support the foreigners for future
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
of the
country
. Giving a humanitarian aim,
such
as providing food and housing, can wake up the desire to move to the developed
country
inside the
people
from less-developed countries.
This
brings to increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the number of citizens, which can make the
country
more powerful in the world arena.
For instance
, Kazakhstan provides an accommodation aim for incomers from Karakalpakstan.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, about 200.000 Karakalpaks live in Kazakhstan and work for local infrastructure. In conclusion, wealthy countries should allow
people
from poor nations
come
Fix the infinitive
to come
show examples
inside a
country
and help them with first accommodation. It is recommended that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
take steps to keep
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
eye on refugees because all of them want to build their dream lives, despite their
burth
Correct your spelling
birth
in poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
This
decision contributes
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
progression for both sides.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by adding more specific examples and data to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay can benefit from better paragraph transitions to improve the overall flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Your essay presents relevant examples to support your main points, which enhances your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
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