Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Recently,
children
have spent time too much on their smartphones
. This
case happens because smartphones
have become a fundamental necessity. This
essay will discuss the positive impacts such
as enhancing their knowledge and the negative effects to be unproductive people.
To begin
, sophisticated technology can enrich children
’s knowledge due to
the wealth of information there. These devices give more significant development to children
because they can access educational platforms easily such
as mathematics e-books, science e-journals, and nationality magazines. Thus
, children
can improve their skills in both their soft and hard skills related to their lessons such
as sports, public speaking, and interesting things that children
can do perfectly. Moreover
, parents should supervise and maintain when children
use their smartphones
to avoid negative aspects.
However
, technology can bring drawbacks for children
, particularly making children
unproductive person. The main reason is that children
are dependent on their gadgets disproportionately such
as playing games online every day. It can also
have negative effects such
as decreasing productivity and low achievement in their knowledge. Apart from that, If parents cannot maintain every time when their children
are using smartphones
, they may access negative content. Therefore
, parents should set boundaries for children
to decrease their time using smartphones
.
To conclude
, technology can bring positive and negative impacts on children
based on proportionality. It can be useful when children
use it to search for a lot of new information. Otherwise
, it may cause worse personalities for children
because of their dependency on the game online.Submitted by writingbersama on
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task achievement
The introduction of the essay is clear, but it could be more concise and focused. Mention that the essay will discuss both positive and negative impacts right from the beginning.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific educational app or a real-life example of a child's improvement in school because of smartphone use.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay more logically by clearly separating the discussion of positive and negative impacts. This will improve the flow and make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In addition,' to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that all points mentioned in the introduction are addressed in the body of the essay. If you mention enhancing knowledge and productivity in the introduction, make sure those themes are explored thoroughly.
task achievement
The essay identifies both positive and negative aspects of children using smartphones, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to discuss impacts on children's soft and hard skills, which adds depth to the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?