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Band 7

Nowadays,environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries in other words it is an international problem.To what extend do you agree or disagree

#persons #countries
Today's
world
 has different issues,
such
 as ecological and financial
problems
, but many people advocate that environmental concerns are too complex to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. I will explain
with
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two reasons why
this
 is essential for the
world
. First and foremost, environmental
problems
 are growing yearly, and it is costly for one country to fix them.
In addition
, their effects are significant because they are damaging all around the
world
,
such
 as carbon emissions and animal extinction. These are too nasty for the future of our planet.
Nevertheless
, We should believe that we can solve these concerns. We have many different organizations. One of them is the United Nations, which works on various
problems
 and creates projects to solve these issues,
such
 as the Svalbard Seed Bank, located in the North of Norway.
This
 is significant because the project has started to protect seeds. Many countries have joined
this
 organization,
such
 as Colombia, South Africa, China, and the United States of America. Even North Korea has to send seeds. In my opinion,
this
 can be beneficial for ecological balance.
Conversely
, the animal population has been significant since the planet's existence. Nobody can solve
problems
 alone.
However
,
this
 can be fixed with the collaboration of all countries. Many animal species,
such
 as the Anatolian Tiger, became extinct in the previous century.
Furthermore
, many kinds of animals live with extinction threats, which are international crises. We may lose animals and forests in the coming centuries.
As a consequence
, If we want to live a sustainable life, we must fix these
problems
. These two issues are complex challenges to fix, but with the correct steps, it is possible. The
World
 has many diverse concerns. If these
problems
 are not solved, we may experience bad times. Animals, insects, and plants play a vital role in the
world
's ecosystem. We should protect them for the future of the
World
’s ecosystem and our children’s future.
Submitted by barmanakarsu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated and directly address the essay prompt. In some areas, it seems as if the discussion is merging into the next point without a clear transition.
task achievement
While you bring in relevant examples, it would help to integrate additional specific and varied cases to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, make sure all examples directly support your main points.
task achievement
Try to tighten your main points and ensure they're clearly conveyed and comprehensive. Some sentences were slightly unclear or could be more concise for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a relevant introduction and conclusion, making it clear the discussion is well-rounded.
task achievement
You have effectively acknowledged the complexity and scale of environmental issues, presenting a realistic view that adds depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your example of the Svalbard Seed Bank demonstrates a strong, specific instance of international cooperation and aligns well with your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collective action
  • climate change
  • rising sea levels
  • extreme weather events
  • biodiversity loss
  • ecosystems
  • Convention on Biological Diversity
  • significant improvements
  • sovereignty
  • environmental policies
  • international collaboration
  • environmental degradation
  • shared responsibility
  • technological advances
  • innovative solutions
  • international cooperation
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