In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?
Over the past few decades, whether we like it or not, a remarkable growth in individualism can be seen through numerous amounts of nations, where communities are prioritizing personal intentions above other assertions,
this
undoubtedly has triggered an untold amount of debate among various folks, which I consider it as an advantageous trend.
To commence with, enormous importance has been laid on the above-mentioned scenario. First and foremost, some groups of society hold that people who are focusing on themselves not only would face a wide range of opportunities to achieve their life
goals but also
their sense of life
satisfaction significantly soar. Nonetheless
, individuals’ productivity as well as
efficiency could increase. A single mother who puts her mental health improvement as a priority consequently
acts properly as a parent. Secondly
, another merit of individualism is that those who prioritize themselves have a greater chance of reaching their intention in distinct areas of life
such
as business, education, etc. An adolescent who was raised in a family where all his siblings are doctors prioritize his interests to choose a major related to art, could benefit him later on in his life
.
To conclude
, the necessities along with
the attitudes and aptitudes connected to the topics clarified above demonstrate, that although
people may vary in their point of view, individualism plays an indispensable role in increasing productivity and efficiency such
as people would act more sophisticated in both their personal and social status.Submitted by maryam.niknamm on
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coherence cohesion
While there is a structure to the essay and an attempt to create an argument with an introduction and conclusion, the overall logical development of ideas could be much stronger. The connections between ideas are somewhat unclear due to grammatical and structural issues, which affects the argument's clarity.
task achievement
You addressed the task partially, with a clear position throughout the essay. However, the ideas need to be developed more fully with further expansion and clearer focus. Using a wider range of sentence structures and more precise vocabulary could also enhance the response. Additionally, including specific, detailed examples would strengthen the argument further.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion