IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #role #future #societies #effects #society
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One school of thought holds that the growing advancement of robotic engineering will play a pivotal role in our communities in the foreseeable future, others believe that it could be fraud with pitfalls.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter notion. On the one hand, automatic systems can be very effective in areas that require repetition with high accuracy.
This
 is useful and time-saving, especially in the manufacturing industry, where a series of spare parts could be produced with the same size and specifications.
For example
, an automobile company in Japan
,
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 has already used
robots
 to produce its newest airbags and these robotic helpers could cover 1,0000 bags per day, a hundred times faster than manual force. Another benefit of using
this
 technological advancement is that it would help people take care of tedious daily tasks and free up their time for more enjoyable activities or more imperative priorities. An obvious example of
this
 is cleaning
robots
 are able to help households in Vietnam to do daily housing work,
such
 as
:
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 cleaning, ironing, washing dishes, etc., which allows women to spend their time with their children and friends.
On the other hand
, there are myriads of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that robotics engineering may have an adverse bearing on human communities. One reason is that depending on these mechanical objects can lead to a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, in Japan, many people no longer walk to go shopping, as drones have been provided by many shop vendors,
consequently
, it gives
a
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rise to spinal curvature and obesity. Another rationale is that the enormous cost incurred to mitigate the problem of unemployment attributable to
robots
 would put a strain on government coffers.
As a result
,
this
 could lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to struggle even more to earn a living
To conclude
, even though it is irrefutable that
robots
 have their own usefulness, I would contend that they will cause some negative effects on society in years to come.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and varied examples that further support the main points. For instance, examples from different industries or everyday life could be included to show the widespread impact of robots.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can help to further enhance the flow and make the arguments more compelling. Using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely,' could help with this.
task achievement
It's important to balance the presentation of both views more evenly. While the essay does discuss both perspectives, the negative view is more developed. Ensuring that both sides are equally elaborated could make the essay more balanced.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating the topic and the author's opinion.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both viewpoints and provides clear arguments.
task achievement
Specific examples are used to illustrate the main points, making the arguments more concrete and convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial intelligence (AI)
  • Automation
  • Cybernetics
  • Efficiency
  • Job displacement
  • Manual labor
  • Robotics
  • Sophisticated machinery
  • Technological advancements
  • Workplace safety
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