IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reason what can be done to teach them this important skills

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Nowadays, more a more youngers who have just graduated high school have a lack of knowledge about managing their financial resources.
While
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 the main reason is financial independence provided by younger
parents
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 , the essential skills could be solved by trading lessons about the economy at academies.
Parents
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 who do not set limits to investing
money
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 could be considered as the main reason why the younger generation does not know how to manage their financial resources. Youth should care about neither taking
money
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 nor the amount or way of spending it since
parents
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 would constantly cover their expenses.
For instance
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, when adults have the freedom to spend
money
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, they own items that actually are not affordable or necessary.
As a result
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, they would keep up with
this
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 habit and might become bankrupt.
Therefore
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,
Parents
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 are the main characters why teenagers cannot invest cash rationally
Although
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parents
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 have led to
this
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 issue, it could be solved by involving workshops about the financial pyramid
as well as
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 business at schools. If applicants have
this
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 subject they will be able to cope with financial difficulties since they have been educated in
this
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 commerce.
For example
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, when there are lessons about finances at academies, pupils can not only own necessary goods but
also
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 save them with profits
such
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 as in banks.
Thus
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, trading lessons could provide a littered generation in
this
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 field. In conclusion, the main objects that contribute to unacknowledged youngsters in
money
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 management are their
parents
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,
while
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 the solution is at school environments and faculties they have. If we had
this
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 answer previously, we would be protected from financial tricks

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, make sure to thoroughly address both parts of the question. Consider adding more specific suggestions on how young people can be taught financial management skills.
task achievement
For clearer ideas, try to focus on fewer points but explain them more comprehensively. Examples should directly support your main points and be well-linked to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph effectively transitions to the next. Consider using more linking phrases and connectors to provide a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well structured and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have identified a clear main reason for the issue and provided a reasonable solution.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question, offering a cause and potential solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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