IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #numbers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A controversial perspective is heating up a debate over the fact that providing six years of free
education
Use synonyms
 is the most effective way to reduce
poverty
Use synonyms
 in developing countries, as it enables impoverished
individuals
Use synonyms
 to achieve basic literacy and numeracy
skills
Use synonyms
. I do not deem myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
Linking Words
 idea. It is clear to note that investing in free
education
Use synonyms
 for
individuals
Use synonyms
 lacking literacy and numeracy
skills
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce
poverty
Use synonyms
 rates.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 today's
job
Use synonyms
 market requiring employees to have basic knowledge.
For example
Linking Words
, majors
such
Linking Words
 as business and accounting require basic computing abilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having a 6-year free
education
Use synonyms
 policy is highly effective in reducing
poverty
Use synonyms
 in developing countries, which allows people from disadvantaged backgrounds to have better and
higher paying
Add a hyphen
higher-paying
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
Although
Linking Words
 six years of free schooling plays a significant role in alleviating
poverty
Use synonyms
, vocational training has the potential to make an even greater impact. Providing practical
skills
Use synonyms
 through vocational
education
Use synonyms
 can significantly enhance the earning potential of
individuals
Use synonyms
 living in
poverty
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent initiatives by the government have introduced free training programs in various trades
such
Linking Words
 as cooking, repair work, and other practical fields. These programs are designed to help
individuals
Use synonyms
 acquire the specific
skills
Use synonyms
 needed to meet
job
Use synonyms
 requirements, even with minimal formal
education
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, vocational training not only improves
job
Use synonyms
 prospects but
also
Linking Words
 enables
individuals
Use synonyms
 to secure stable employment, thereby better supporting their families financially and contributing to a more sustainable reduction in
poverty
Use synonyms
. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 six years of free
education
Use synonyms
 for those lacking literacy and numeracy is a starting point for decreasing
poverty
Use synonyms
, vocational training can offer even greater advantages and
further
Linking Words
 reduce
poverty
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the rationale behind your stance in the introduction, as it will strengthen your argument and make it clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence, consider making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help maintain the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The use of relevant specific examples, such as government initiatives in vocational training, effectively supports the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: